[matilda] Fwd: *** SPAM & SPAG *** from Trotting Wolf - Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster: OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

[Rene Thomas]

Dear People of Good Sense and other senses,
   
  I have cut down this forwarded e-mail (see below) from Anzir Boodoo, because while it is obviously at the cutting edge of ideological debate, it is far too long for my liking. This can be considered to be unethical doctoring of scriptural material, and I hold myself responsible, but if you could see what trash and disappointingly missing links (no pun intended, but noticed) I have cut out of it, I think you would excuse me this liberty.
   
  Let it be said that I consider Flying-Spaghetti-Monsterism to have an equal claim to theories of evolution and creationism as regards being taught in school, I think the world has been created by beings who are either pathologically insane, or maliciously mischievous. Amounts of suffering and injustice, intolerant fundamentalisms along with obstacles to preventing environmental holocaust and general craziness suggest that this is far more likely than the existence of an all-powerful, all-loving creator. Neither have I found a scientific theory to explain why the universe came into being in the first place. I can accept that the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists if it is (by our standards) pathologically insane or maliciously mischievous. Perhaps if we were to value spaghetti more, our lives would not be held so cheap by the supreme spaghetti?

Anzir Boodoo <ab at transcience.freeserve.co.uk> wrote:
  From: Anzir Boodoo <ab at transcience.freeserve.co.uk>

believe!

Begin forwarded message:

> Spaghetti Monster: OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Trotting Wolf
> To: The Rev. Steven McKee
> > Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2005 9:26 PM
>> CC:• DOVER SCHOOL BOARD (PENNSYLVANIA);• OHIO STATE SCHOOL BOARD ;• 
> RIO RANCHO SCHOOL BOARD (NEW MEXICO);• GRANTSBURG SCHOOL BOARD 
> (WISCONSIN);• COBB COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(GEORGIA);• SHELBY COUNTY 
> SCHOOL BOARD(TENNESSEE);• CHARLES COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(MARYLAND);• 
> NAPERVILLE SCHOOL BOARD(ILLINOIS);• DARBY SCHOOL BOARD (MONTANA);• 
> BLUFFTON-HARRISON SCHOOL BOARD (INDIANA); (note -- who am I 
> missing?)
>
> I am writing you with much concern after having read of 
> your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of 
> Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of 
> Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for 
> students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for 
> themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them.
> I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one 
> theory of Intelligent Design.
>
> Let us remember that there are multiple theories of 
> Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the 
> strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti 
> Monster.
> It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. 
> We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing 
> towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in 
> place by Him.
>
> It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally 
> request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, 
> along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to 
> say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed 
> with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from.
> If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but 
> instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must 
> also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, 
> not on faith.
>
> Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to 
> tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a 
> Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe.
> None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have 
> written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining 
> all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that 
> there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very 
> secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated 
> by observable evidence.
> What these people don’t understand is that He built the 
> world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For 
> example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an 
> artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has 
> decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this 
> artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of 
> Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years.
> But what our scientist does not realize is that every time 
> he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there 
> changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous 
> texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the 
> reasons why He does this.
> He is of course invisible and can pass through normal 
> matter with ease.
>
> I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are 
> taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they 
> realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying 
> Spaghetti Monster.
> Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs 
> without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate 
> regalia.
> I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and 
> unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I 
> fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise 
> explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
>
> You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, 
> hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the 
> shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s.
> For your interest, I have included a graph of the 
> approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature 
> over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically 
> significant inverse relationship between pirates and global 
> temperature.
>
> In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our 
> views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of 
> teaching this theory to your students.
> We will of course be able to train the teachers in this 
> alternate theory.
> I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that 
> no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look 
> forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time 
> in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the 
> world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for 
> Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical 
> conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
>
> Sincerely Yours, Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
> P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a 
> mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.
>
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> The Kansas School Board voted, not surprisingly, to teach 
> alternative theories to evolution, specifically Intelligent Design, 
> without inclusion of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism in the curriculum.
> They claim all sides of the issue should be taught, but make no 
> mention of the best established and fastest growing theory of our 
> origins - FSM. This should only strengthen the resolve of 
> Pastafarians everywhere. Spread the word - they can't ignore us 
> forever!
>
>
> 11/4/05 - Political support for FSM from Indiana House of 
> Representatives speaker Brian Bosma: "I think it's fair to allow 
> and perhaps require students to be taught that there may be more 
> than one explanation for the creation of the world."
>
> 11/2/05 - Check out the Jennifer Bible - the best competing theory 
> of our origins.
>
> 10/20/05 - The FSM think tank, the Enlightenment Institute, needs 
> your help in finding evidence to support His existence. Science 
> Creative Quarterly is helping us get started by offering a 
> fantastic prize of $100 worth of Ramen (~1000 packets) for the best 
> evidence that the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists. Check out the 
> rules of the contest at SCQ and submit your entries directly to them.
>
> 10/19/05 - Missouri State University Pastafarians do some street- 
> corner evangelizing here
>
> 10/14/05: Purdue's The Exponent: Here there be dragons. "The Flying 
> Spaghetti Monster: An invisible and undetectable being made of 
> spaghetti and meatballs, the Flying Spaghetti Monster claims to be 
> the true creator of the universe and life on Earth; all evidence of 
> evolution or other origins of life, his followers, the 
> Pastafarians, say, are tricks to throw off the unbeliever. The 
> FSM's hobbies include flying through the universe, touching things 
> with his noodly appendage and pissing off proponents of intelligent 
> design creation theories. He could be defeated by common sense or 
> acceptance of basic scientific principles, if only either of those 
> things existed." here
>
> 10/13/05: More evidence of the FSM: "Late Neolithic noodles: They 
> may settle the origin debate." BBC News: Oldest noodles unearthed 
> in China. here
>
> Farked: " Upset that classes were cancelled for Jewish holidays, 
> professor vows to cancel classes for any religious holiday his 
> students suggest. Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster takes dibs 
> on the entire month of October to celebrate Ramendan" here (link 
> goes to comments page).
>
> 10/6/05 - Flying Spaghetti Monster invades Love Parade - San 
> Francisco here
> Current favorite email:
> Bobby,
>
> Today I was blessed to receive a divine revelation from our Almighty
> Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have the privilege of informing you that
> it is His will that I become His Bride, in order that the Savior of
> mankind (who is to be called Macaroni) may be born on this earth. The
> FSM has revealed to me that your body is to be the vehicle by which
> his holy seed shall be transmitted in earthly form.
>
> To that end, I have reserved a room for us at the Best Western Airport
> Inn, Boise, Idaho, for the evening of [removed]. I will be
> the woman wearing the WWFSMD t-shirt and eye patch.
>
> I look forward to meeting you and fulfilling the will of our noodly 
> master.
>
> Julie Boise, Idaho
>
>
> Apparently there may be some problems with the mugs.
>
> Dear Bobby,
>
> I have recently purchased one of your coffee mugs, but it is giving me
> no end of grief. Every time I put coffee, hot chocolate, or hot tea in
> the mug, it instantly transubstantiates into what I assume is the 
> blood
> of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It sort of looks like marinara sauce,
> but I'm afraid to taste it. Curiously, when I put wine into the mug,
> it just turns into a nice, full-bodied chianti -- beer does the same
> thing. Is there any act of sacrifice or ritual that I can perform to
> stop these miracles from occurring? While I bask in His greatness and
> I am truly awed by His power, I'm also kind of thirsty. Any advice
> would be welcome.
>
> Sebastian Wren, Ph.D. Austin.Texas


  


		
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