[matilda] The Trial of Mandy Osmosis

[worldwarfree at riseup.net]

Mandy Osmosis was on trial at Sheffield Crown Court, charged with a
vicious assault on three security guards at Bailey Court jobcentre back in
September.(cctv comeing soon)

According to the testimonies of the wounded security guards Mandy had come
into the jobcentre looking for aggro. After being asked to leave politely
she had launched a frenzied attack. With a mighty flying ninja death-kick
she knocked the short fat guard (Nobby) unconscious. She then let loose a
flurry of well-aimed blows in all directions, crushing groins and cracking
skulls. However, her most merciless violence was aimed at the frail guard
known as Werewolf. With relentless savagery Mandy kicked and punched the
helpless man. Werewolf told the court, "she was like a woman possessed. I
thought I was a goner your honour."

Fortunately Mandy's barrister had uncovered cctv footage of the entire
episode. And to the horror of the jury an entirely different version of
events was revealed.

Mandy was seen skipping into the jobcentre with a bunch of wild flowers in
one hand. The Monkey Boy was not far behind. Suddenly the three security
guards attacked the defenceless Mandy. While Nobby held Monkey Boy back,
Werewolf and Nondescript pulled out pick-axe handles and rained blows down
on the helpless revolutionary, who was left gurgling on the floor.

Okay, so maybe I've exaggerated a little, but the judge halted preceedings
and instructed the jury to find Miss Osmosis not guilty.

Werewolf wept.

For long hours I had spoken with Monkey Boy, who was dreading having to
take the witness stand. What a great result this was. Mandy was free and
Monkey Boy didn't have to do anything.

The wig-wearing man-mountain that was Mandy's barrister was smiling at his
client. "Happy?" he beamed.

"Am I fuck! I won't be happy till we break off the shackles of Capitalism."

There really is no pleasing some people.

Off they went into the bright remains of the afternoon, Mandy and the
Monkey Boy, free to plan more revolution.