[ssf] uv :: v) d) the badon field :: the 'art of lightness
father brown
adam at diamat.org.uk
Wed Oct 31 12:43:34 GMT 2007
[ a ]
you know
you can't hang a man
with a wooden leg
[ b ]
can't you
[ a ]
no
it's best to use a rope
[ c ]
why not just give him enough rope
[ a ]
couldn't that be construed
as aiding and abetting
[ d ]
nope
rope can be used for many things
mooring knots
or a net for instance
so it's how he uses it
[ e ]
hiya
[ a ]
hiya
[ f ]
watch him ladies
here
i've got the drinks
[ a ]
oh ... thanks
have you washed your hands
[ f ]
oh, don't be like that
listen, i want to introduce you
[ g ]
hello
i produce the budget
for the rounds
[ a ]
oh ...
[ f ]
well you did say
i know you and you know me
[ b ]
can we get on with this please
i do have a busy schedule
[ a ]
why not consider this
as time-off
[ e ]
as time-off what
[ a ]
as time-off schedule ...
... listen,
i going to have to tell you
one of my rambling drainage stories
feel free to interrupt ...
i. untitled
-----------
i suspect there's at least
one tragic historian amongst us
...
the world seems to be run by
tragic historians
zo, if only to bring in
a little bit o'balance
i present a story
of a romantic comedian ...
back in 92 / 93
i'd decamped to a car park
on broad lane
tasked with resewering the high street
church street, glossop road
as part of the supertram works
moderate rain on a drainage job
can be a blessing in diskies
for an engineer
rain stops play
the lads go home
or to the bookies
or elsewhere
and the engineers tend to get on
with their paper work
now as then
i have a tendency
to be very critical
of paper work
to the extent that i do
as little as possible
battle of the forms
most of it --
'here's our form,
you need to fill in the blanks' -- would say
a contractors rep
'no,
if you are unable to make this form
an appendix to a contractual letter
or confirmation of a verbal instruction
then i have no time for your form' -- my reply ...
i did tend to keep my diary though
captain slog and all that
to record the actual progress
of the negotiation
on a day of moderate rain
the report was short
i'd manage to squash most of it
in to the top margin
of an A4 duplicate book ...
weather : moderate rain
plant and labour : agent, labour off-site, engineer, foremen in cabins
plant standing save 1 Nr 9", 1 Nr 6", 2 Nr 4" pumps, generators
works : flumes holding, foremen monitoring stanking overpumbing
fencing secured
on brighter or darker days,
i'd try still to trap the progress
on to one side of an A4 sheet
then weekly, what ever the weather
tearing out the pages
along preformed perforations
posting the days via internal mail
back to the main office
at carbrook
carbon copy remaining on site
we had a heavy rain day
on that job
well we had a couple
one off the beaufort scale
a lot of properties got flooded
i do tend to get one like that
on every job i do
i try not to let it freak me
the beatles had
number one hits apparently
when ever there was a lot sun spots
but at the same time
it does makes me wonder
i'd go knocking door to door
soon after
collecting my reports
my forms
always a far better reception
and experience when dealing with households
than with commercial properties
even when i had caused the flooding
on my phase of the supertram job
the flooding was all commercial properties
occupants hardened by many months
and in some cases years
to the supertram job ...
now don't try to tell me
you're not responsible for this
-- began one particular trader
no
am not
then you admit liability
for what
the damage
my loss
what is your loss
this
shall we quantify this
how can you quantify this
did any body get hurt
no
have you lost anything
of sentimental value
no
well then
let's count this up
no
that barely covers it
there's my time
and my loss of trade
your time doing what
sorting this out
what would you have being doing
if you were't doing this
trading
well then trading
and your time
is the same thing:
the same head of claim:
economic loss
they've taught you well
haven't they
who have
supertram
why do you say that
every thing with them
is economic loss
is it
oh yes, it is
the supertram act
yes
economic loss is limited
in the supertram act
very limited
yes, supertram is very limited
but this is not just supertram is it
it is flooding
however,
you will only be able to claim
what you can substantiate:
do you have records
of recent trading
they have trained you very well
how can you compensate
for what
my total loss
what total loss
this,
supertram is taking away my livelihood
my trade is down
with all this work
who wants to come near
this building site
i know,
there is a petition ..
don't give me that,
what can *they* do
they can try i guess
but i know,
it will get better though
the plans look just grand
don't give me that
when complete,
how ever pretty you leave it
the tram will suck my trade
to the big brands at meadowhall
like the railway link
there, and the two new dual carriageways
there, don't tell me
that i will prosper
well i can't can i
business is business
the government has drawn
a new tram in this city
and who am i to argue
i'm just building it
that's what they said at nuremberg
you lot are all the same
give you lot a uniform
and you're just like blakey
off on the buses
do you see any stripes on my jacket
no, we're all the same here
we wear bright colours
fluorescence just to be seen
it's a matter of safety
yeah ..
i bet you wear it at home
listen,
as far as prosperity is concerned
i have a problem with the c.s.a.
and how the government's flogging off
our housing stock
so, we all have our cross to bear
when it comes to government lines
but shall we quantify your loss
so you at least take responsibility
for this shit, this time
it is not shit
it is water
don't give me that
i saw for myself
raw sewage coming out of your manholes
yes
the sewer was beaten
and so was the road
not just here
in loads of places
we've mopped up outside
and there weren't many solids
not at this end any way
and there were no solids here
yes,
you got your lads
to clear away the evidence
listen,
i have photos of the solids
in situ
if you want copies
or if you want a representative sample
of the stuff we flushed away
i can show you where to dip a bucket
but i don't think any solids got in here
did they, they did further down the road
but not here, is that correct
yes
so you're not taking responsibility for this
i am responsible for this
this is why i'm here
but i may not be liable for your loss
but you may be liable for my loss
yes
so shall we quantify it
what's the point
supertram will never admit liability
you're just spying for your bosses
i don't work for supertram,
i have responsibilities to them
just as they have responsibilities to me
for the water company then
same deal
i don't work for them either
i work for the city
well the city won't pay
and even it does
they'll just put up my rates
i don't think the city will be paying for this
the city isn't liable for this
well why are you here then
because the city is responsible for this
and you speak on behalf of the city
on this road yes
i occupy this road
and have occupiers liability
so the city is not liable
but you are,
because you're in occupation
yes,
but the city is responsible for me
if you should have a complaint
those are the folks to write to
just as i am responsible for
the staff on the road outside
if you've got a complaint about them
so you're responsible for the road
and all the people on it
but you're not liable for my loss
probably not know,
not as the city,
but i am responsible for it
what good is that to me
well,
would you like this to happen again
are you threatening me
with what:
rainfall
listen,
i am building the works outside
replacing stuff that's not been touched
for at least a century
finding unrecorded culverts
waterways, ash filled craters filled in fast
in wars,
percolating against clay, concrete
and buried ashlars,
alloyed pipes and even wood in places
dating back to roman times:
how did the water get in here
anyway, not up your drains
but through your walls
they've taught you well
haven't they:
you offset your liabilities
you blame the land
and the weather
no:
i blame neither
i am in occupation of the land
and build to accommodate the water
what ever the weather
well
who is liable then
your insurers
at first instance
don't give me that
do you have insurance
of course i do
but there's an excess on the policy
and they'll raise my premiums
if i claim
i don't know if it's worth it
business is stacked against
the little player
i know
it is the same with my car insurance
shall we quantify your loss then
in case i am liable
couldn't you get
those two back in
who mopped up:
they reckoned they could
repair the wall in a day
do they
well i suspect they could
but no
not on my time
i have removed the water
i am no longer in occupation here
i could make it worth your while
could ya
as fred dineage would say:
how
listen
don't answer that
i have seen all i need to see here
to estimate your material loss
and i occupy the road
so will be able to quantify
your economic loss
or at least the time element of it
i will be in touch in writing
in due course
if i hold myself liable
for this flooding
if you wish to communicate with me further
i ask that you do so
in writing also ...
... i left the shop owner there ...
... the summer before we'd had one
of the richter scale
we were occupying the porter brook
in the parks mainly, endcliff,
whitely, bingham, forge dam
i was being trained up
it was my first site job
and therefore
all that was expected of me
with respect to the land
was codefency
the job was quite straight forward
replace the existing sewer now
way under capacity,
with all the surrounding build up
of properties and hard standing,
and all the waste water
associated with twentieth century
labour saving energy gear
most of the job was offline
or rather a crisscrossing track
and a very large off-line tank
and other structures
to regulate the heavy weather
manhole number one wasn't though
manhole number one was right online
just next to the cabins
in whitely woods
off rustlings road
the day was beautiful
beautiful blue sky
the ducks and other water fowl
seemed to be enjoying themselves
in the adjacent ponds
pleasant
my welsh mate walks up to where i stood
and informs me
to the readiness
of the new internal form carpentry
of manhole one
and asks a question --
what's the dry weather flow
in this sewer
we were standing over
the manhole excavation
and i replied --
this time of day
it's what we can see
that's very little
why are we putting in a bigger pipe
won't the hydrobrake
keep back the storms
there's no connections
between here and the overflow
we're replacing
it's very flat though
between here and there
i'm using the pipe
partially for storage -- my reply
that won't store much rain
no i know
but it will store sum
well the existing sewer
would store three times this
for days,
if i stanked the incoming
here
where would she spill first
-- say mi welsh mate
pointing to the incoming
next manhole up
-- my reply --
then the one after that
and then she'll pop the covers
all the way up until
her head beats the head
of the existing overflow
lets check the drawings
and have some breakfast
and we'll run it past the r.e.
we checked the drawings
had a brew
and then my welsh mate continued --
... so the plan is
we pour the manhole form now
and strike the boat shutter
end of shift
if it rains,
we flood the road
-- the r.e. went next --
i think we should wait
until the overpumping is installed
the contractors has programmed it
to be here
and in
by the end of the week
no -- my welsh mate interjects --
you need to reject their programme
they can't do this works in twenty-seven weeks
i doubt whether i could do this work
in twenty-seven weeks
there's going to be big claims on this job
you need to reject their fiction right from the start
well,
if they fail to install the overpumping
by the end of the week
they will have failed to meet their programme
so how can they claim -- retorts the r.e.
it doesn't work like that -- my mate states --
i have read the contractors rates
and i am aware of the subcontractors rates
and this job is set up to fail:
to fail on time:
and i won't let it happen
not on my time
what do you think -- the question turns to me
the weather's fine -- my reply --
but the catchment's steep
a short peaky storm
and we flood the road
no -- says the r.e. --
if that happens
we would brake the stank
and let the flow through
manhole one
no -- my mate replies --
i am not loosing this pour
we are in occupation of the road
we flood the road
yes -- the r.e. went next --
but we are in occupation
of everywhere we flood
yes,
so we flood the road
only
are we agreed ...
... fifteen minutes later
still not a cloud in the sky
my welsh mate banks a concrete waggon
back to the excavation of manhole one
boat-shutter in place
describing from above
a Y shape
the internal face
of the pipes to be connected
the old circular outgoing
and both the old and the new
circular incoming
in section
the boat formed from
U shapes
of slender gradients
a character labelled sewer-rat
who had made the boat
stood astride it,
holding a four-inch vibrator
what if it rains -- enquires sewer-rat
then we flood the road -- i reply
why did you tell him that !
-- barks mi welsh mate
well that's what we agreed -- my reply
agreed what !
i have no recollection
of us agreeing to tell him that
he may just wish to flood the road
no i wouldn't --
states sewer-rat
look -- says i
pointing to the tiniest of white clouds
way up and in the distance
don't worry about that --
continues sewer-rat
shut your face you --
barks mi mate
well, it doesn't take long
to pour and vibrate half a waggon
of concrete, but the clouds
and the rain just poured
down the valley, from
out of nowhere
well from the west anyway
from start to finish
of that manhole pour
my mate and me grabbed some folk
and some road-pins
and rapidly cleared
some gullies out
on rustlings road
to keep the flow off the pavements
the mini roundabout had a moat
the bottom of the park
lay strewn with solids
of varying elasticity
at regular time intervals
my mate lambasting sewer-rat
about the time
they were taking to vibrate
the concrete
barking instructions
to the folk
on top of manhole one
to cover the hole
with visqueen
and keep the rain
of the concrete apparently
and further dogging at sewer-rat
to finish up quickly
as their fat arse
was needed further upstream
to sit on a manhole cover
quite a bit later
my welsh mate pulls me to one side
and says --
did you wish for that rain
no -- my reply
are you sure
yes,
but i didn't wish against it,
what about yourself -- says i
no
why would wish for that
i don't know:
but are you sure
you didn't wish for it
yes
well
unless i did it sleeping
and i think i was awake
it must have been sewer-rat
or the r.e.
or those two in collusion maybe
no one else knew the plan
did they ...
... we had a far graver incident
not much later
it concerned the loss of a life
the only one on that job
apart from five trees
in the valley
i saw bits of the event
i didn't see it all
i heard bits of the event
i didn't hear it all
through my cabin window
i saw a lady i recognised
cradling something
up the park path
passed the cabins
and site compound
i heard a tracked excavator
moving, then a scream
from the lady --
my baby, my baby
i shot out the cabin
and saw her dog trapped
and lying squashed
and dying
what happened --
the dog just jumped
out of the ladies hands
scuttled under fencing
adequate only to demark
safe boundaries
and barked at the reversing
excavator
it is my fault --
says the driver
no it is not
-- replies mi mate --
what happened -- query now turned to banksman
just like the lady says --
banks reply
where we you standing --
asks mi mate
about here --
replies the banksman
report to the cabins
you are off-hired
you can't off-hire me
i work for the sub-contractor
well let us put it this way
either they off-hire you
or i off-hire them
report to the cabins ...
... how can you compensate
for the loss of a life
i went round to the ladies property
a few days later
she was unable to see me
i was told
she was still unable to see anybody
i met her fella
he told me that he didn't think
she'd be the same again
i believed him ...
... i was there when
the man who owned the subcontractors
tried to bend first the sacking
of the banksman
and then the new fencing specification
for the remaining works
so was the suby's brother
and a few of his in-laws
not on my time --
barks my mate
it was only a dog -- responds the suby
yes
it doesn't matter
not on my time
what the fuck was
that english women
doing here in the first place
her old-man's irish
if that makes any fucking difference
-- barks i
listen -- quiets the subcontractor --
with the new fencing spec
i may as well pull off this fucking job now
because i'll not make any money out of this one
i'll not even break even
i thought the fencing
was down to the main contractor
it's not up to yor lot is it
-- my question --
it doesn't work like that
-- replies my mate --
how many weeks
are they in to you for
two, maybe three
i'd have to ask my daughter
-- replies the subcontractor --
but by the end of next week
i'll be five weeks down at least
and i'll still have to wait
another two weeks
for my first four weeks of payment
and if i'm not very fucking careful
i'll end up financing this fucking scheme
and not be able to pull off
because i'm owed so much
and i don't trust this contractor
neither do i
-- states my mate --
what chainage do you need
on your drives
where's your plans
here
this is what i need
just to break even
well
you can beat these targets
your brother is able
to beat this target
i've worked with him before
do you think you can beat this
yes
if we have the engineers
when we want them
-- says the brother --
i will chase the engineers
and pull you back on par
by week twelve
are we agreed
what about the banksman
-- further queries the suby
no,
he is off-hired
it was only a dog
it doesn't matter,
it will not happening again
not on my time
it could have been anything
that it was one dog
is enough ...
... i'll take a break
from telling drainage stories
they are tales of storms
and the early nineties
ninety-seven
we had a sea change
we had better weather
and hailey-bob
as i remember
this is someone else's story
from that time ...
ii. and then there was jack the bodiless
----------------------------------------
the soupy ball of organic matter
slowly elongated and rose
becoming a misty turbulent column
the upper part engulfed the floating brain
and the vapour swirled eerily
generating a faint
not unpleasant odour
that paul's perfect memorecall
recognised as the scent
of a very young baby
within moments
the reincarnation intensified
to the point
that the ectoplasm
assumed substantial human form
beginning at the feet
and continuing up the legs
to the trunk and arms
it solidified into an accurate representation
of living flesh
all that was lacking
was the scars
blemishes
and other irregularities of natural bodies
the head and face
appeared last of all
and jon remillard
finally stood before his father
like a normal man
he was of medium height
having dark wavy hair
blue eyes with a disturbing luminosity
and a high-bridged nose
and square jaw characteristics
of most of his family
he struck a statuesque pose
and smiled shyly --
this body design
is something completely different
from the usual run
usually i only do a detailed job
on my head and my arms
because clothing hides the rest
how do i look
paul kept his voice level --
fine son
are the sex organs proportional
i modelled them on marc's
but he's twenty-three cents taller than i am
and outweighs me by more that twenty kilos
they're appropriate for your build
-- paul said heartily --
they're perfect
*you're perfect*
you look like a goddamn
apollo belvedere
without the figleaf
jack began to dress --
funny thing about me and marc
i suppose he's my closest male friend
besides being my older brother
intellectually
we're ideal colleagues
when we work together
our minds sometimes slip
into metaconcert
with no effort at all
like a pair of musicians
playing an intricate duet
in precise tempo
but
he tried to talk me out of
becoming a sexual entity
he thinks it's a waste of time
and vital energies
he called me a fool
for wanting to experience
that part of human nature
sometimes ...
-- paul said briskly --
... marc is a paramount grandmasterly ass
just you wait
one of these days
he'll fall head over heals
and make a fucking idiot of himself
jack laughed as he slipped
into his shirt
and installed cuff-links and studs --
i sincerely hope so
but his celibate mindset
left me with a nice personal problem
up until now
the bodies i've fashioned for myself
have been little more than hollow shells
activated by creativity and pk
their rudimentary internal organs
merely imitate natural function
to enhance the overall realistic aspect
i never bothered with things
such as extracephalic endocrine glands at all
i didn't know
-- paul sat down
on the edge of the bed
jack began to put on
his stockings and garters --
this particular body
took me quite a while to design
it's still far from being
a faithful replica
of the real thing
but it does have a fairly complete set
of sensory equipment
nerves
blood vessels
the male organs are as perfectly constructed
as i could manage to make them
and the gonads produce the appropriate hormones
i got most of the function data
i needed from reference materials
including denis's book on operant sexuality
but i still have to fine-tune
the imaginative programmes
for male erotic stimuli response
and for that i need your help
uh
would you say that your brain structures
and sensory network are typically human
reasonable so
i asked because normal human sex
is largely mental
the data you seem to require
are concerned with integrating
the ancient limbic system
of your brain
the part responsible
for the sex drive
and emotion
with the more highly evolved neocortex
that thinks
and exercises imagination
my redactive metabilty's
not in the same class as marc's
or your uncle severin's
but i'm willing to give it a shot
i'm afraid i haven't made myself clear
papa
actually
the integration process you mentioned
is already well established in me
so are the hormonal patterns
the mechanisms for erection
and ejaculation
and the pleasure pathways
but
i'm still lacking in libidinous spontaneity
what i need help with
are the more subtle aspects of eroticism
in both the male and female
my new body reacts to physical stimulation
but not to imaginative images
or fantasies
i'm still incompletely human
... paul frowned to cover his apprehension
surely this creature didn't expect him to ...
i'd like my first act of intercourse
with my wife
to be as transcendent as possible
for both of us
as uncle rogi's was
with elaine donovan
when he told me about their experience
i knew i'd somehow have to find
a way to emulate it
with my own lover
paul's silvery brows shot up --
rogi
transcendent
well i'll be damned
the old roue
never compared notes with me
rogi also told me that
he fell in love at first sight ...
-- jack added quietly --
... and he never stopped
loving elaine
even though he's tried to put her
out of his mind
my own experience with diamond
was nearly instantaneous too
except that initial attraction
was cerebral in nature
an immediate apprehension of spiritual affinity
rogi says that falling in love
with elaine donovan was irrational
that seems to be a common phenomenon
but i understand that other natural human beings
such as grandpere denis
have experienced intellectual love first
then have achieved mutual sexual passion later
it can work that way
i wouldn't know from personal experience
would it be tasteless
or impertinent of me
to ask how you and mama fell in love
paul stared straight ahead --
as a young man
i was rather inhibited sexually
much like marc
although i had
at least
an occasional unsatisfying adolescent affair
while he seems to have kept himself pure for science
jack grinned ...
i first saw teresa in the stage
at the metropolitan opera
in new york in 2036
i was twenty-two
a wet-behind-the-ears politician
with an excessive metaquotient
and a fine reputation
for running rings round the simbiari proctors
she was only nineteen
and that night she made her debut singing
the title role in
*lucia di lammermoor*
at the end of the opera
the audience got to its feet
and screamed and stomped and applauded
for nearly fifteen minutes
a new superstar was born
but she was more than that to me
when i first heard
that extraordinary voice of hers
i was overcome
do you mean libidinously stimulated ...
paul winced --
let's just say that it took all my self-redaction
to keep my poor body under control
it was my first experience
of an aphrodisiac
and the magic was all teresa's voice
denis claimed it had something to do with
her incredible creativity
i don't know about that
i did know that i'd die
if i couldn't have her
and so you were married
five months later
right there on the stage
at the met
the next four years
were the happiest of my life
we had marc
marie and madeleine
three magnificent operant children
then luc was born
with terrible physical deformities
and there were other babies
with lethal genetic traits
that were stillborn or aborted
it was a terrible time for teresa
she lost her voice
and her personality changed
test showed that your mother's germ plasm
had mutated
probably some time just before
the birth of our third normal child in 2040
but madeleine *wasn't* normal
there was nothing wrong with her genes
-- paul said tersely
jack now stared
at his pair of antique lace-up shoes
and spats in momentary bafflement ...
better put the pants on first
-- paul suggested --
the spats go over the shoes
and button up the sides
with the strap underneath
neither of them spoke for some time
then --
papa
why did you and mamma stop loving each other
was it because she tricked you
into conceiving me
and made you
a party to a crime
against the proctorship repro status
not really
i forgave her that
we drifted apart long before
she no longer aroused me
our falling in love was irrational
and so was the falling out
perhaps what we had together
wasn't really love at all
at least
not for me
perhaps what i felt for her
was only sexual magnetism
a kind of enchantment
i never tried to analyze it
deliberately at the time
one doesn't do that
but you've thought about it since
oh yes
at this late date
i've come to believe
that true love has to be more clear-sighted
and unselfish than i ever was
with your mother
if i'd really loved her
i would have been more accepting
when she changed
i would have tried to evolve myself
instead
when teresa's erotic appeal faded
there seemed to be nothing i could do
to safe the marriage
i found myself attracted
to other women
never to a singer though
there was all kinds of aphrodisiacs:
a lovely face
perfect breasts
an alluring body
eyes with a provocative light to them
tantalising movements
the promise of sexual excitement that certain women
can't help projecting
my god jack
there must be a thousand reasons
why a man is attracted to one women
and not another
each of my women has been appealing
in a different way
your women
but you didn't love any of them
i enjoyed having sex with them
and your enjoyment wasn't diminished
by the knowledge
that you were betraying your wife
and the religious values
you'd been brought up in
paul exploded --
god damn it jack
don't judge me
papa
i'm not
i'm only trying to understand
but it seems so illogical ...
the first magnate's anger drained away
leaving only distaste
and a terrible pity
for this innocent
cerebral being
this prochronistic adam
just a few steps below
the sexless lylmik
on evolution's ladder
still determined to sample
the forbidden fruit --
and who ...
-- paul asked himself --
am *i* supposed to represent
in this weired little biblical scenario
-- he stared at the floor --
sex is often illogical
just as your brother marc maintains
it's part of our animal nature
but it's also evolved into more than that
we don't just do it in order to reproduce
we do it for solace
and the relief of nervous tension
and fun and even for the hell of it
sometimes sex is only mindless fucking
but it can be sacramental ...
-- he paused --
... at least
that's what they say
i'd like sex to be that way
for diamond and me
perhaps not every time
because that would make it too solemn
but numinosity
should definitely be part of it
how does the old marriage prayer put it:
with my body
i thee worship
the first magnate laughed
without humour
he still had not met his son's eyes --
the wedding vows also say
that a bride and groom
are to forsake all others
until death parts them
but that's an ideal
some people can never live up to
i couldn't
after i stopped loving your mother
the basis for erotic attraction
is obscure and capricious
and it can vary over the years
i know i've hurt a lot of my sexual partners
by rejecting them
particular teresa
but i didn't act callously
it wasn't done in cold blood
i'm truly sorry that your mother's heart was broken
but i couldn't stay with her
when our love ended
and i don't consider myself culpable
in the matter of her death
i don't either papa
you know my reputation
as a galaxy-class womaniser
i'm not proud of it
objectively
i realise that promiscuity
and an unwillingness to commit
to a stable sexual union
are psychological flaws
but it's the way i am
i need sex
and i'll have it
and i'll do my best
not to be deliberately cruel to partners
and that's that
jack finished fastening his spats --
i think i know why
most metapsychic operants are monogamous
opening one's mind
to a lover at the start of a relationship
either strengthens the mutual attraction
or destroys it rather quickly
when incompatibilities become obvious
in theory ...
-- paul said
... that's true
but marriage or a love affair
can never be a linear system
they're chaotic harmonies
like all biological nature
both lovers have to adapt continually
to each other's changing needs
to keep the truth and beauty alive
but that's not easy
especially when there's important work to do
and you must agree
that my work *is* important
jack said nothing
he had moved in front of the mirror
to attack the tricky knotting
of his silk cravat
psychokinetic manipulation
would have done the job in a trice
but like all well-bred operants
jack felt the casual use
of that faculty
while he was embodied
would be declasse
paul lifted his head and spoke calmly --
can you understand me
when i say that the sexual part of my life
is completely irrelevant
to my real passion
jack nodded slowly --
your true love
is the galactic milieu
isn't it
not any human being
not even yourself
i've dedicated my life to the milieu
and the consensus seems to be
that i've been a good first magnate
i'm damned proud of what i've accomplished
but ..
jack waited
finally his father said in a low voice --
.. but sometimes i wonder
if i'm no the biggest fool in the galaxy
you see jack
i've never known
the kind of sexual transcendence
uncle rogi talked to you about
i'm the last person
you should take as a role model and adviser
find someone who knows
what real love is
i have ...
-- jacks voice was gentle --
... but i want to have
a genuine sexual relationship
in my love-life too
you could make that possible
how -- paul asked warily
i need your memories
of sexual arousal
with them i'd have
a truly human male paradigm
a foundation to build
my own sex-life on ..
the first magnate was stunned
to speechlessness
share the most intimate aspects
of his sexual fantasies
with this grotesque mutant
but he's human
-- paul told himself --
perhaps more human than i
because he has the capacity
to love a women without reservation
this creature
this son of his
jack eyed paul obliquely
as he put on his wastecoat
of silver brocade --
i know it's asking a great deal
the sexual part of a parent's life
is an intensely private thing
leviticus even says:
thou shalt not uncover
the nakedness of thy father or mother ..
paul's mind cried out --
it's not old testament morality
or inhibition
or squeamishness
that makes me deny you
god help me
i beget you by accident
without love i would have prevented your birth
i was revolted to the depths of my being at what you became
i failed you even when you conquered the mutation
rejecting you
avoiding you
letting denis and lucille and rogi and marc
raise you
i know i owe you reparation
but ..
NoPapaNO i don't need that
i don't want to defeat
or humiliate you
it would be all WRONG
if what you gave me
was only to recompense
for your guilt ..
the first magnate stood up
after a moment he regained his pose
but his face was ashen
jack was entirely dressed now
except for his formal suit coat
paul took up the garment
and held it
so that jack could slip his arms into it
paul said --
can you show me
a mental precis
of exactly what you require
i could try
but the problem is
i really don't know what data i'm lacking
all my theoretical knowledge
of erotic responses
is virtually meaningless
without the mnemonic
and imaginative framework
that would enable me
to personalise it
a normal human formulates
his individual style of sexuality
all throughout life
beginning in early childhood
i wasn't able to do that
i have pieces of the jigsaw puzzle
but no hope of putting them together
without help from a generous
thoroughly experienced man
one that i respect and trust
one that i love
your uncle rogi ..
-- paul began
he'd *tell* me anything i asked ..
what he won't do
is lower his mindscreen
of his own free will
so that i can absorb the body
of specialised data
that i must have
and of course
it would be unthinkable
for me to invade him
and steal his memories
even though i could do it
without leaving a trace
your brothers ..
marc was willing to open that part
of his mind to me:
but he told me quite frankly
that is libido is anomalous
and i believe him
luc said he'd gladly volunteer
if i thought diamond would be happy
with a homosexual husband ..
jack inserted a tiny spray
of white miniature roses
and baby's-breath
into his lapel
then reached into the flower box
and held out a boutonniere to paul --
please papa
help me know
what it is to be a sexual being ..
the first magnate stared at the flowers
then at his son
if you can't ..
-- said jack the bodiless smiling --
.. i'll understand
give me that ..
-- paul took the small bunch of roses
and poked it into his buttonhole
then he surveyed the young bridegroom
with a critical scowl
and made a minute adjustment
to jack's tie --
.. there
you look pretty damned good
if i do say so myself
shall we go
-- jack was calm
he picked up his top hat
and gloves
and began to move
towards the door
in the shadowed room
his aura was visible
to paul's mind's eye:
a halo of gold and blue
with twelve interior petals
of flaming star-white
it was more intense
than any other vital-energy field
the first magnate had ever seen
wait -- paul said
unaccountably
his eyes were stinging
jack turned
his father took a tentative step towards him
then enfolded him in a sudden
crushing embrace
all right son ..
-- he whispered --
.. go for it
your wedding gift
[ magnificat :: j may ]
iii. leave
----------
in the summer holidays
when i was a teenager
i'd play with my mates
or be working
or watching sport on the telly
.. or in our passageway
playing tennis wall ball
with a beaten up racket
a slazenger, as i remember ..
i held it by its neck
there only being a concrete gap
of six or seven feet
between our side wall
and that of our adjacent
neighbours
i repeatedly hit the ball
against the house
volley and half-volley
changing hands occasionally
my hands and strokes
resembling those of table tennis
be'dang
be'dang
be'dang
would go the ball
hourly, weekly, monthly, yearly
would go the ball
be'dang
be'dang
be'dang
the bat i held
had warped in that
its head declined to two o'clock
or ten o'clock depending
on which hand i held it in
and upon the back or forward stroke
the gut was taught
i had another racket
that had not warped
but the web was polyplastic
and could not maintain
any useful restitution,
it was slack, well
as far as this game
was concerned
be'dang would go the ball
steady state i --
be'dang ..
right side body
right hand holding
forward stroke
two o'clock up warp
scoopy concave uppercut racket
be'dang mirrored ..
left side body
left hand holding
forward stroke
two o'clock up warp
scoopy concave uppercut racket
be'dang ..
steady state ii --
be'dang ..
left side body
right hand holding
back stroke
ten o'clock down warp
bernoulli down slicing convex racket
be'dang mirrored ..
right side body
left hand holding
back stroke
ten o'clock down warp
bernoulli down slicing convex racket
be'dang ..
saving shots i --
be'dang ..
right side body
right hand holding
ten o'clock down declining
bernoulli wrist flicking drop lobbing
be'dang mirrored ..
left side body
left hand holding
ten o'clock down declining
bernoulli wrist flicking drop lobbing
be'dang ..
oh ..
steady state iii saving shot i ...
be'dang ...
saving shots ii --
be'dang ..
overarm ..
left or right side body
right or left hand holding
back or forward hand playing
ten o'clock down warp
or two o'clock up warp
fast stun or slow smash ..
.. but there's little point
smashing the ball against the wall is there
it's not as though the wall
is a competitor,
that i want to get one past
the wall is the game
or rather, the game
is to keep on
be'dangging the wall
be'dang
be'dang
be'dang ..
.. small towns,
ours had been a village before that
the generation before mine
called and call it still
spike island
amongst other things
at the top of the village
we had a place we called the tennis courts
where us kids used to play
the courts had been built
for and by some landed gentry,
on terraces of an old quarry,
two generations previously apparently
they were now derelict
the rock cut steps spalled
slippy in the wet, rusted
flaking hollow banisters
snapping brickle between brackets
the council were infilling the courts as a tip
fencing, threatening prosecution
misrepresenting, fixing, selling
crime image upon civil summons
we use to play loads there
down scree running the new deposits
ripping through bin liners to expose the new quarry
all kinds off stuff,
the birds and the rats feasting on the organics
jam jars to catch tad poles
in the once ornamental ponds below
magnets extracted from beat up tellies
stamps ripped off sack loads
of commercial correspondence
soaked later, or steamed
to better protect their phosphor
metals, metal objects
wire, bits of electronics
money, always a surprise
few coppers, some silver
once i found this small pressure gauge
i picture it in my hands now
as six inch long, extending to twelve
but us hands were smaller then
i suspect it be nearer
to four to eight inches
i couldn't work out
what kind of tool
this was at first
i'd not seen one before
it had one bulbous end
to fit snug push flanged against
an exposed valve
the rest was smooth
heavy but somehow empty
i held it up for group inspection
let us have a go -- says one o'us mates
i pass it over ..
us mate holds it up
looks at it,
passing hand to hand
forms a fist, and then starts shaking it
the inner tube slides out
exposing a numbered sliding scale
we all look at the numbers
and read psi
imperial
pounds per square inch
oh
that's what it's for
tyre pressures
can i have it -- says us mates
what for -- says i
us mate pushes the tube back in
then with right hand fist whips
the inner tube out again
fonzy ! -- us mate states --
i want it as us flick knife
fonzy dun't have a flick knife does he -- says i
yeah, sure he does
yeah but its a pressure gauge
can i have it
-- says another one o'us mates
what for -- says i
for mi bike -- says this mate
sure -- says i, passing it over
this mate pushes the tube back in
then with left hand fist whips
the inner tube out again
this time pointing it
at an isolated television set
and exclaims --
fear not ribina !
they have managed to get us
exactly
where we want them
pussssssssssssssss
i will neutralise their little shenanigans
with my sonic screw driver
we laugh and pelt the telly with projectiles
i stop laughing
and look again at the gauge
us mate makes to pass it back --
no
you keep it -- says i
no
go on
have it back
i don't mind
but you've got the bike
i know,
but i'm with you everyday
i don't think i'll need
to check the tyres
more often than that
go on
you have us sonic screw driver ..
.. the last summer
i played against the wall
i was seventeen,
waiting the results
of some a\s levels,
and working as a chemist
in a tar distillery
sampling and checking the products
road binders, weather sealants
creosotes, pitch bitumens
monitoring the bug-plants
and the effluents
it was my second year there
titrations
viscosities
penetrations
between end of school and chemistry
i'd been to wentworth
with the n.c.b. on a training course
two lads from each surrounding comp,
pit villages, thirty strong and put up
at a large house then labelled lady mable
with three hundred and sixty five windows
each lad with overlapping
different yorkshire idioms
forking accents changed with altitudes
words of norse, celt, saxon, danish roots
kitted up, and down silverdale
rossington, intrinsically safe lamps
and stories of canaries
carboniferous drives
anthracite
someone came to see me there expectant unexpectedly ..
be'dang
be'dang
be'dang ..
.. and again a second time
later
as i was playing with the wall --
is this where you live then -- says my visitor
yes -- says i lowering my racket --
do you want to come in
no, i can't
we can't -- says my visitor
my visitor then kisses me
full on, and whispers --
we can't,
we must end this here
i melt
it is the first time we have kissed
and my second only
i look in to my visitor's eyes
and say --
shall we go for a walk then
my visitor shakes their head
i make to say something
but i am kissed again --
we can't
this must be the first and last
we can't continue
because then i won't leave
and then you won't leave
but .. -- i make to talk again
i am kissed again --
yes, me too
but we must not, not now
we disentangle, and i say --
can i kiss you back
the visitors laughs and says --
you were kissing me back
i laugh too and state --
i will be sponsored if i apply
did you ask
no i was told
apparently they want me,
we could ..
i am kissed again --
no
we must leave
we must leave here
ok, ok, say ok ok
ok my love, i melt, ok
we disentangle
will you apply
not without a raison d'etre
i work to live
and not the visa versa
but we could ..
no, you promised
i am kissed again
no, stay there
you promised, we must leave ....
.... and we did
my visitor then and there
and me the year after
iv) league
-----------
i heard this story
when i was a kid --
...there was nothing around here
before i went to war
no work, well not much
i used to wonder around the pennines
with the tools i had
doing odd jobs for scraps
there were loads of us
not just here
all over the country
the world really
america was the same
europe as well
we considered ourselves fortunate
if we ate twice a day
i was thin then
not just slim like i am now ..
< the story teller used to stand up commonly
at that point in the story
to unbutton their shirt
exposing a somewhat bonny chest
covered with but a few hairs
an big blue lion tattoo >
.. look at me,
i'm slim even now
and i live in luxury
well,
i guess you just can't fatten a thorough bred
but i was thin then
painfully thin ..
.. have you ever been really hungry
no, i don't mean just ready for some snap
but days and days without much more
than cabbage and tattie-water
i was famished
i walk for miles
getting my legs back to use
i'd broken them both
down a trench, and i'd walk
and i'd walk and i'd walk
sometimes, when i thought
i was at the end of my tether
i'd find a coin in a gutter
or i'd bag a rabbit, or a pigeon
but this one day
i was so hungry
and there was nothing
nothing at all
and i came across
some horse manure
i stopped
it looked attractive
and do you know what
i was that hungry
it even smelt attractive
i picked up a lump of its reniform
and i was just about to eat it
when i thought --
is this what i've been reduced to,
eating shit
i lowered it from my mouth
although i still held it
in my hand
i was so hungry
i was starving
i walked along
i was through wishing for work
or a stray cabbage
all i had now on my mind was
defeating this thing
inside of me that stopped me eating
this horse manure
and then it came to me like a flash --
if i could just have some salt
i'd be able to eat this shit
i knocked at the next house
i came to
a lady answered
i asked her for some salt
do you know
she cried when i told her what for
she gave me an egg
i cried then
it was the first protein
i'd had in a very long time ..
.. some time later,
weeks, months perhaps
i was in a similar predicament
horse manure in my hand
caught between eating something
and eating nothing,
and i have an idea --
i'll find a big house
and ask them for some salt
me thinking
if i got an egg
from the lady in the small house
i may get a meal
from a lady in a big one ..
i walk across the pennines
manure in hand
i come across a track
i've not been down before
near ilkley moor
windy, left turn
after left turn
and then opening out
to a big country house
there might be work here --
i think, i knock on the door
and ask --
a man comes to the door --
no work here, he says
masters away, and has
all the staff he requires
what nothing -- i reply --
i can farm, i can join
i can labour ..
no nothing --
says the man at the door
well then -- i say --
could i have some salt for this,
-- holding up the manure
for him to see --
wait here -- says the man as he disappeared inside
i wait
and i waited
and waited
and the lady of the house
appears --
she is as tall as me
which was something back in them days
she smiles
i smile back
she says --
put that down
i throw the manure
down round some roses trellised
climbing round her front door
and she says pointing --
see that path
i nod
follow it ..
meet me around the back ..
.. well
i didn't know what to expect
i'd read lawrence,
and huxley, and was aware
of a brave new world,
but i just didn't know
i imagined
i imagined everything ..
walking past the great french windows
glimpsing oak and mahogany interiors
the stone work, by itself
testimony to years of slow labour
around the back
there she is,
she's leaning
one leg bending
foot against the back door jam
she points --
see those stables
i nod
there's plenty of fresh manure there ...
v. silver jubilee
-----------------
i got up early
on the appointed day of celebration
to help my old mate h
take a stack of trestles
and folding chairs
from the back cellar
of our local pub
to the main road
that cut through our village
which we had permission
to close for the day
there were loads of us helping
many h's relations
if not, kids h had known
for at least three generations
we'd agreed to help
but we didn't intend hanging around
the sex pistols had infiltrated
our tiny minds
and at just the right time
to agitate our none attendance
we set up the stuff
and began to slouch away
h shouts --
oy, where yor lot going
one o'us mates answers --
to the woods
ta ra
what do you mean ta ra
aren't ya staying for the party
-- shouts h
no, we're not celebrating this
you have a good time if you wish
your generation seem to like her
hold ya poppose you lot !
-- barks h --
i've never met her
but i know i fought for her dad
and if you'd have asked me then
what i was feighting for
a'd have told ya then
what a'm telling na:
days like theses
exactly days like theses
you don't believe me do you
but it's true
thee !
when did tha last eat at my house
-- h barks at one o'us mates --
last wednesday -- the reply
and thee !
-- barks h staring at another one o'us mates
week before last for mi tea
but i med mysen a sarny for mi dinner
one day last week
when tha wa' out -- the reply
and thee ! -- h barks at me
tha never away -- h lowers the tone
then turning to the crowd
continues --
and then he eats at mi sisters
and a bet he eats at home too ...
... all us mates start laughing
as i start turning red
i am very porky
maybe twelve stone at the time
h outweighs me though
by at least another twelve
h barks --
can't we all be together
for once !
we used to this regular you know,
when we were kids
here, before the road was paved
or in the top field
we might have had a cricket match
or some kind of pageant
but we'd do somat like this
at least once a year
where all the village
would get together
and do you what
we didn't have to ask
we just did it
well let's do it again then
but not for her -- says one o'us mates
her ! -- barks h --
her !
you've got a problem with her
well let me tell you
about a problem i have with my boss
what mi mother -- says another
no you silly bugger
not mi boss at home
i love her
mi boss at work
i dun't care for him much
the countless times
a've asked him for time off
for the shop, to do something other
that clock on and clock off
no ! -- barks h --
always the answer
from the boss
clock on, clock off
says the boss
time and motion
productivity !
producing what
i say
we've just become numbers
and does tha know
that's how they like us
'cause all they are
are number crunchers
that's all the can do !
but not today
and does tha know
my boss doesn't like it at all
not one little bit
he said -- i need a skeleton crew
triple time
and a day off in lieu -- my reply --
and i'll see what i can do
no ! -- barks my boss
forget it
not at them rates
you'll bankrupt me
... bankrupt him,
whose he trying to kid ...
well he's not kidding
the kid who's kidded thousands
have worked there for ov'r twenty years
i know all his rates and figures
do you think he'd have granted
a holiday today if he wasn't forced to
do you think any boss would
well, today we've got the day off
and it's our day, as much as it is hers
and just like any other day off
it's up to us how we chose to celebrate it
so am asking ya
to do one last job today
us old cocker muckers
before we get started
and that's to knock on every door
and mek sure folk know
they're invited
nayow,
it'll tek a month o'sundays -- says one o'us mates
nayow it wieghn't -- rebuts h
it on'y took ya
a week o'school neights
last winter
to collect for young swaybe
and then you went way up the valley
and all round new jerusalem
you don't have to go that far today
they've got their own parties
just stick to this hill
this side of the pump house
go on,
there's enough of ya
split up in to pairs
surely there's no need for y'all
to hold hands
it'll on'y tek ya an hour
go on
split up
go on
what about them
that din't gi' us owt for young swaybe -- says i
oh
it's all-our-yesterdays wi' thee
init
well what about them -- h quizzes me
well, should we invite them -- says i
cause you should
how much money did you get
in your bucket
when you went begging door to door
four hundred and forty four pounds
forty four pence -- says one o'us mates
well i never -- quizzes h --
what exactly
ye i recounted
there was half-penny more -- says i
well i never -- says h looking askance --
it sounds to me like somebody
was rounding up the accounts
well whatever
but do yer know
how much came in later
after you got yer picture in the paper
at least another three hundred
from folks round here
just shows to go ya dun't it
some folk can only believe things
if they see it in a paper
go on
treat everyone the same
you're not begging this time
and you never know
they might just tek to ya ..
.. we left h there
and got on with it
but still managed to slouch down the woods though
much later
to do the stuff
that teenagers usually do in woods ..
.. h and i became a regular fixture
soon after that
sitting on us form
at the end of h's road
half way up our hill
sat chatting
and talking to the old folk
and whoever passes
this is how the fixture began
one day as i approached
us village form
looking for us mates ..
.. tha's missed 'em
-- barks h at me --
they've gone to t' flicks
they're birding it, i think
oh -- says i
din't the' tell thee -- says h
ye but
oh, it dun't matter
what's up -- barks h
naywt -- says i
nayow
there is
what is it
int there anybody
tha'd want to tek
ye but
oh,
i think anybody's gone with somebugger else
oh
well sit thee thisen down then anyway
here -- says h
thumb ripping an apple
and offering me half o'it
no ta h -- says i rejecting
oh -- says h munching
on his bit --
tha sad arn't tha
i remain silent
arn't tha -- repeats h munching
i remain silent
it's alreight to be sad tha knows
is it -- says it
cause it is -- replies h --
we live in a sad world
tha bound to be sad at some point
if tha sad just say so
what's tha mean
we live in a sad world -- says i
se' thee here
behind everydoor in us village
there's sadness
if tha'd on'y but look
tha dun't believe me does tha
but tha would if tha looked
here -- shouts h
to a passing old timer --
charlie,
where tha going charlie
has tha got a minute
this lad's sad charlie
and needs cheering up
thy are sad arn't tha ..
.. well, i didn't answer
but well, it didn't matter
i got it from both h
and charlie, and then from all comers
alternately cheering me up
and making me sad again
with strokes of their lives
and that of us families
neighbours and ancestors ..
.. i didn't really want to go
to the cinemas with us mates in any case
well i did and i didn't
the thought of it alone
made us nervous ..
us mates that went
were in the same school year as us
but a good few months older
and far more physically grown
i saw them naked often enough
in the showers,
their hair and manhood growth
after games lessons
or rugby matches
and as their bodies developed
their minds appeared to follow suit
for me still hairless and small
just holding hands
would have blown us away
still does i guess
the summer before
we got caught in a downpour
a group of us
on the way up to the courts
we were trudging through
a vast expanse of spare land
commonly called the allotments
hinting at its past use
though left farrow for a generation
grown over now with wild grasses
we dove for cover
between two trees with low branches
a den we had previously decorated
with plastic sheeting and carpet pieces
we had many dens like this
dotted around the village
two lasses were there already
playing house with their dollys
we say our hallos and wait
the spawl to blow over
we spot an older mate cursing
hair wet running
carrying an early bird bag of swag
back from the courts already ..
tha soaked -- says one o'us mates
a know -- says us older mate
ducking under cover
stripping off t-shirt
drying hair and face with it
us older mate
put the soaked top back on
and says --
here, se'thee
-- and tips the bag
a box sheks out first
containing neatly stacked
hollow metal sounding objects
domed and flat based like
the shape of chocolate coated marsh mellows
what are they -- says one o'us mates
a dun't know reight
-- says us older mate --
a asked old jack
and he reckons they're percussion caps
off o'railway
but a dun't know reight
am gonna tek 'em hom
and ask us fathers
see whether they know owt
percussion caps
how's tha use 'em
tha puts 'em ont rails apparently
when its misty, listen
they explode under wheels
when't driver can't see signals
what's tha gunna use 'em for
a thought us'd use 'em
for long range
target practice
wi' us pellet guns -- says us older mate
passing one cap over
to us mate who quizzed,
them both now smiling
did tha get owt else -- asks another one o'us mates
the older mate pulls out
a multicoloured knitted woolly hat
and says --
am gunna use this
as bedding
for us chickens
why din't tha wear it
you daft bugger
to keep rain off
when tha wa' running
us older mate
slants head slightly
puts on the hat
and says --
well yor tell me
we stare at us older mate
in wonder
until
one o'lasses says --
you look like benny
off cross-roads
we all start laughing
us older mate
throws the hat
to the ground
in mock disgust
passes thi corky -- says us mate with the gifted
marsh mellow
perhaps percussion cap
another one o'us mates
passes us cricket ball
to us gifted mate
us gifted mate
puts the hard ball
in the woolly cap
and swirls it
above us heads
like an improvised mace
and says --
lets see if i can get this one
to pop here
nayow -- says us older mate --
not here, cud go off
like a fire cracker
outside if anyw'ere
but have thrown one hard
against a wall already
we'll need somat heavy
here
passes two o'them bricks ..
us older mate
puts a marsh mellow cap
about four yards out
on top o'one o'bricks
and pelts it down hard
the hypotenuse
with the other
from overhand
three yards up
no joy
too sloopy
however the weather
is beginning to brighten
am stood up now on the edge of the den
watching with interest
us two mates on percussion mission
the lasses continue to play house
using the hat as dolly bedding
as some mates inside
riffle us older mate's bag
i move further out
not too far
there's still drizzle
it stops little
us two mates on percussion mission ..
let's tek it
to stone row
to them old cellar tops
we'll use them as the base
but to pop it
we'll need somat heavy
i leave them to it
and go back in the den
where pulled out there's comics
of an old fashioned skin pic kind
it is my first experience of pornography
until then
am unaware even of its existence
i had seen the occasional boob before
on carry-on films
but there was no humour in these photos
i didn't look too much
i averted my eyes
it was the hair mainly,
and the bright colours
that turned me away
i went back outside
drizzle
i went back in again
i hear a dull explosion
from the cellar tops
of the old slum clearance
stone row
i go back out again
us two mates come running back
smiling saying --
sounds like they're percussion caps
we three bob back in to t' den
ayop ! -- barks us older mate --
gis 'em 'ere ! -- demanding the return
of the dirty mags --
they're for us father
not for the likes o'yor !
-- us older mate
turned to the lass
that had attached
the benny label
and said --
sorry luv
it doesn't matter -- she replies,
back playing with her dollys
the' thine aren't the'
th'as got 'em for thisen -- says one o'us mates
to us older mate
nayow -- barks us older mate --
leave it out
have got a girlfriend
i nod ..
aye,
but so 'as thi dad -- starts one o'us mates
some o'us mates giggle ..
a know -- barks us older mate --
but tha knows mi dad
and anyway
th'as seen our lass
i nod ..
aye, i know but ... -- starts one o'us mates again
watch thisen thee
-- cautions us older mate smiling --
to me she's as bonny dressed
as she is stripped
far bonnier than any lass
in mi dads mags
i nod ..
why does thaa keep nodding
-- us older mate accuses me --
dun't thee be getting
any funny ideas
am not -- i rebut --
i just think tha reight
some o'us mates giggle ..
reight how ! -- us older mate barks --
th'as never seen our lass stripped
a know
a dun't want to
but she's bound to bonnier than them
she's normal int she
some o'us mates giggle ..
he didn't like looking at them magazines
that's why he followed yor lot for a bit
but the rain forced him back in
-- says one o'us mates,
the same one that started
the mag ownership accusation
and continued the cross drizzle ..
oh
well that's alreight then
ayup,
am off hom
y' can keep the woolly hat
-- us older mate departs quickly
with the mags, the percussion caps
and us gifted mate who went
through the soft rain
on percussion mission ..
why din't tha like 'em -- starts us mate at me
tha knows -- i reply
no i dun't
why don't tha like 'em -- us mate and water
persistently dripping
tha knows,
the hair
and t' bright colours
some o'us mates giggle
its not all like that you know
-- says the lass with the woolly hat
as she pulls up her skirt
and to one side her underkecks ..
blinking heck -- one o'us mates exclaims,
head and body jerking
rapidly pulling from pocket
a tyre pressure gauge
some what like snoopy's mate linus
like blanket ..
i was shocked too
in fact from my following actions
i think i must have been in shock
i thought you came off the front -- continues us mate
with old sonic
apparently surprised more
by where she lived
when she went home
than her state of undress
i do -- she says --
my dad has to deal with this
ah -- says us mate that started
the cross-examination ..
us mate with the screw driver and i
look at each other
scrunched nosed in query ..
look -- says the lass
touch me -- she continues
i touch her arm
no, silly -- she says
touch me there -- she continues
what's up wi' thee
are tha scared -- says us mate o'the cross drizzle ..
.. i don't say so
but i am ..
touch her -- persists us mate
i do quick
but not with my hand
but with a pointy stick
she screams
and then she cries
what did tha do that for !
-- barks us persistent mate --
th'as hurt her now ..
a' tha oreight luv
she nods
am sorry luv -- says i --
a din't mean to hurt ya
how could you not !
-- barks us mate
making to boot me in the balls --
think about it !
am sorry luv -- i continue --
it wa' just,
it wa' just ..
just what -- barks us persistent mate
just a thought,
a thought ..
thought what ! -- precipitates us mate
he thought it was going to bite him !
-- interjects pocket sonic mate
all us mates begin to laugh
i apologise yet again
to the lass in question
who assured me
other than the shock
it was just a scratch
it began to brighten
we left the den there that day ..
vi. am munchen
--------------
it was never my intention
to stand so long in munich
my plan was to go to lebanon
i had had a job offered in west bakka
learning maths and english
in a school there
but i didn't have a suit
or the air fair
for that matter
and before the fall of the wall
i'd heard
there was a rake o'work
there
for us active auslanders
so i lent a tent
and pitched it in the south
one august, and worked the arbietsampts
with us irish and us poles
it was early doors at the arbietsampts
turquoise dawns
we wait in large standing rooms
us leaning hours waiting
eine chef to make the door open
tor auf
a chef and a shout --
fleischer !
i'd nudge the bloke next to me
and say --
what's that mean
butcher -- the reply
thanks -- says i
and i'd put up my hand ...
the chef would point
or not pick
i'd go
or wait another one
tor zu
tor auf
another chef shouts --
anstreicher !
i'd nudge the bloke next to me
and say --
what's that mean
stroker
stroker
vas est das -- i'd continue
in wider whisper
ist vies nist
he calls vankers i dink -- says another
na
anstreicher is painter -- says yet another
oh thanks -- i'd say
and put my hand up ..
.. when i didn't get picked
which was more often than not
i'd go walking in the city
knocking on hotels doors
and restaurants ..
'aben sie arbiet bitter -- was my chat up line
it didn't work
well not at first
my appearance didn't help
clothing thread bare
also
i had no permit
or fixed abode
and could get neither
with out a job offer ..
the munchen catch 22
after three weeks
i got lucky
i heard off o'us irish mates
the sheraton was recruiting washups
with degrees
ich bin ein gut spooler me
i went up the north, put mi hand up
and sure enough, mi physics
got me overalls and residency
three o'us to a room,
in a big block on wolfrathauser strassa
ve slept,
i switched to night shifts after the third week
for enhanced pay and privacy
then us flat cap went missing
weird
i missed it
a group o'us had got each other
caps at durham
before we left
as a laugh i guess
but more
post exam exhilaration, bonding
the decadence of post war
but a cap is a cap is a cap
i miss it
i miss it not
i work nights, sleep mornings
walk around after noon
reading books, getting mi hair cut
bettering mi wardrobe off the floh markets
bum, thinks i
i'll be a long time in munchen at these rates
bum, what's to be done
i hear there's a drug test paying gut gelt
three thousand deuchies for seventeen days
i go see the doctors
off poxy strassa
ya -- says the dr --
ve have a place
what's the test -- says i
psychological
you vill be in a room ya
with no vindows ya
ve vill test your responses
to the light and darkness
is that all -- i query
ya
what about the food -- says i
ya, that too
we vill need to change
your food intake also
ya, but will there be enough -- says i
ya ya
of course
ve vill you not starbe -- says the dr
where do i sign -- says i
nein
medical is first -- says the dr ..
.. i fall at the first hurdle
the doctor measures my height
then my weight,
then looks at me and says --
nein
you are ..
i don't know how to say this,
you have too many kilos
never -- says i --
what if i take my shoes off
and empty my pockets
nein nein
still too many kilos
it is your herz
your heart is at risk
but you have not listened to my heart -- i protest
nein nein
it machs little
i used to be taller -- says i
the doctor laughs
i laugh too and continue:
but i did -- says i
i roll up my jeans
and shows mi knees
different heights
explain the breaks
and the fixes
also -- says the dr --
aber nein nein
it is your height now
that matters
it is a certain ratio ..
.. no joy
i left it there
and walk back to
the s-bahnhof
smoking now
in the fresh air
chain smoking chain rolling
on to the platform
penned in by my own thought
head low weak down smiling
i am shouted at
i startle, look up
there's a big chap
wagging a big hand in my direction
turning to me all others' attention
i am clueless
i shake my head smile in wonder
his shouting, wagging continues
bouncing off concrete structures
an other comes between us
to me a beauty
150mm smaller than me
fiercely barking --
nicht versteh
the other is right
i no understand
rauchen verboten -- reshouts the big chap
pointing to a sign
on the white wall
smoking
you do not smoke here -- says the other
oh
chewing gum -- says i
first nodding to the other
then to the big chap
stubbing my tab on the tiled floor
rauchen zher zher bad -- barks the big chap
ya ya -- says i nodding
nein nein
bad fur seina herz -- he continues
oh
do fuck off -- says i now barking
vas ! -- barks the big chap
as the other starts laughing
you heard me
fuck off
-- continues i
in the same vein --
vas do you versteh about mine fucking herz ..
.. well the anglo saxon
upset the big chap
and my tone upset the many
the other intervened again
clenching their low fists
to all comers red roaring ..
no
chewing gum ..
-- i back intervene
nodding giggling
to the big chap
tapping the other
gently saying --
come on
lets get from here
the other looks at the wall clock
turns to me declining
the big chap chirps again
the other turns
stamps foot
then bright faced let loose
a string o'what felt like
exasperated cool anger
now i laugh big time --
no no
let's go
let's go
let's get from here ..
this time the other agrees
vas is los -- i query
with me
-- says the other --
what is wrong with you ..
.. we laugh
together
find a coffee shop
and exchange precises ..
.. mine is easy
am suffering big time
lack of character
i call speedy
a co flat cap wearer
engaged yet not engaged
and us petitioned by a caring parent apparently
to live apart at least twelve months
perhaps indefinitely
the other's story is similar
engaged but not engaged
to a detective with duelling scars
attempting to flick their lives together
and win parents acceptance
of past present lives ..
distance makes the herz grow fonder
we kiss and break
the other to austria
me
to the sheraton ..
..the digs are noisy
floor upon floor of ghettoed worker
music bangs shouts laughter
traffic air corridor under
i sleep
my dreams sometime wake me ..
.. one afternoon in my cot
next to a open window
i awake to a 'the the' tune
playing in my head
'uncertain smile'
in the digs
cyndy laupa plays
'true colours'
from the radio
the room is painted pale blue
the sky is darker
aeroplanes crisscross
noises enter consciousness
five yards distant
gentle storing o'us irish mate
intertwined
in same bunk
their german mate still sleeping
ten yards distant
a britton is asleep on the floor
next to the third bunk
occupied then by a reading pole
i nod as i go to the bathroom
flicking on the kettle
on passing, shower nozzle broken
drip drip dusche
it is hot
i nut the stuck bathroom window
it opens
'10:15 on a saturday night'
is playing somewhere
i dry
dress
and follow the cure piper
up concrete stairs
flights up another
passed many doors
some open revealing
the one playing cure not
i knock
the door opens
i recognise the person at the door
r, an italian spooler off afternoon shifts
past r, i see p
sat on a bed
cradling head
hello
why are you here -- r asks me
the music -- says i
thank god for that -- says p
i hear a burst of laughter
from the inside
r laughs too
and says --
come in
come in
in the room
sat on two of the beds
are more italians
some i've worked with
in my first weeks
of mornings afters shifts
some i hadn't
most of them
avoiding national service
p has an english degree
and an english parent
r's degree
is in philosophy
the rest
other languages
and ologies
sit
sit -- says r
i make to sit
on the third vacant bed ..
that's m's bed -- says r
oh -- says i
as i jump back
another burst of laughter
erupting from the characters
m is not there
but i tend to keep out of m's way
and had done
since our first meeting ..
a blunt barked exchange
i mistook m's word
as a name query
instead of a warning
to the state of the tray
i was being given ..
i smile and nod
and make to leave the room
no no stay -- says r
it's ok
sit next to p
do you wanna drink
i accept as p
explains to me
p's sorry state
it is like this
-- says p --
they have been using me
to translate the lyrics
song after song after song
i am tired
i can't go on
i need to rest
you do it please
the only bits of italian i can speak
is the numbers and
e'o parlo un porco italiano -- says i
no -- says r
we know what the words mean
but we don't understand the lyrics
you must translate the lyrics
you must explain the lyrics
i can only explain
what they mean to me -- says i
of course -- says r
that is what we want ..
.. r
the philosophy grad
i laugh
we talk through camus
and hesse for good measure
before moving on to different songs
and overlapping books
new books,
poets
new lives
the only music i have on me
is a version of warsaw
joy division
taped copy of a vinyl bootleg
i explain
i'd bought it off
one o'us miner mates
for two squid in 84
when strike pay
was a pound a day
we talked through some tracks
and switched back and forth
through cure and other stuff
us all quite jolly surprisingly
m came back
and the mood altered
in very low tones
and with few italian words
m
on seeing me
cleared the room
very cordially
of all but its three
main occupants ..
.. a week later,
i was in the staff cafeteria
i'd got a lasagna
and was after a seat
r
p
m
were sat together
r motioned me to join
they were still on their starters
i'd got an apple
m had their back to me
i was reluctant
sit
sit -- says r
i sit and nod to everyone
and start tucking in to mi main course
m is first
to finish the first course
and first to start the lasagna
just one taste
and m brakes the plate
the cafeteria silences ..
r tastes the lasagna
and says --
it is pork
we do not eat this
i put my fork down
and says ok
m stands up
we walk -- says r
ok -- says i again
and puts mi apple
in mi pocket
suit following ..
.. we left it there
well
they left me there
me being on constant nights
meeting on switch over
around 22:00 or 06:00 hrs
my shift:
the first couple o'hours
i'd work the machines
the upper floor one
at least ten metres long
a conveyor belt
washing crate after crate
of dirty pottery and glass ware
load them up one end
5 or 6 at a time
run to the other side
unload
stack them in the trolleys
to sort later
on the half hour
or if called
race below
to the bottom kitchen
back of the nightclub
load six bespoke crates
on staff instruction
madonna's holiday
it would be so nice
blaring through
the swing doors
up again
up to the big machine
cleaning everything
left over
from the day shifts labour
next the back kitchens
full of steel
and scrubbing
more trolleys
the turkish contractors
would start about three
jet washing the floors
and the surfaces
they'd smile at me
running from floor to floor
they'd move their arms
up and down and smile
in friendly mocking
i'd hear tip tapping
a nightclub waitress
dressed to the nines
would come get me --
more sick in the urinals
that was peace work
i was paid out of tips
then the sorting
the maison plats
everything in its place
china were china belongs
glasses were glasses belong
cutlery
empty bottles to the cellars
loading bays, skip work
on to room service
clean up there
say hello to the breakfast staff
then back to main kitchen
more hellos and pass over ..
.. one week
speedy came to visit me
unfolding longer hair now
from beneath flat cap ..
... my chef jp
had said to me
if i machen alles before four
i could pick up
off the front desk
a taxi-shi
free ride back
to the digs
oder
i ran
and ran the corridors
one night i didn't make it
oder
but got a lift
from an italian
night porter ..
.. later
in november
two incidents:
* one/11
i am walking
through the city
thinking walking
i wear ski boots
with no heels
5 deuchies
off a floh
the leather creasing
passed u-bahn baus
head blinked
private thoughts
no time
all time
5 minutes
5 hours
5 years
no matter
same problem
no want solution
i walk
blinkered
i growl at waste bins
kicking them for inspiration
nothing
nothing
no way out
no solution
to my private thoughts
i turn up to work
i am late
not much
but i am late
the after noon shift
have been asked to stay
just in case
i no show
i show
i go to my starting station
front loading top machine
the after noon shift
welcome me
with mock applause
m
unloading
shakes head at me
and makes hand query
i shake head back
and leave it that
us chef jp
comes to the floor
nods and states spater
i nod and state vesteh
10 minutes spater
a glass breaks
in a crate i am loading
it is pretty
it has a shamrock in its stem
jp rushes over
and questions --
why did you do that
i didn't -- i reply
ya ya you did -- insists jp
you stacked it incorrectly
i machen the machine zu
i need to go -- says i
vo -- says jp
away from here -- i reply
r has moved near enough
to hear
this is not possible
you have work -- replies jp
no
not tonight -- my reply
i walk
you must -- jp insists
grabbing hold
of us beige all-in-one
no
leave me -- i pull away
no stay
you must -- i am tugged again
no
i must go
i know myself
if i stay jp
someone will get hurt
possibly you -- says i
jp releases me
and says
in a low whisper --
i can help
have you had bad news
thanks jp
but no
not tonight
you can't help me
i am the bad news -- i reply ..
bang smash
we turn around
m stands unmoving
15 metres distance
arms spread
crate of broken glass
below
i walk
* two/11
early one morning
my shift fertig
walking passed the turkish workmen
street cleansing
s-bahn bau
back south
tired
i retire to us digs
wolfrathausestrasse
inside room digs darker
than outside
thin curtains
shading out the dawn
us irish mate
sleeping one bunk
in an other
a character named serge
with no place
being there
no more
i tap us irish mate awake
and whisper pointing --
did you let him in
us irish mate shakes head
i shake mi head too
and turn
hold on -- says us irish mate
putting on some shoes --
i'll give you a hand
no
try and stay out of it -- says i
someone might get killed
us irish mate giggles
and states --
careful
he's a kickboxer
i nod and call --
serge
wake up serge
no reply
i make the light on --
serge
wake up serge
serge turns in us spare cot
and swares at me
wake up
arriba
rouse serge
upski
serge stands up quick
and says --
leave me alone
we can talk about this
in the morning
it is the morning serge -- says i
let's talk about this now
no talk now -- says serge
i sleep
or we fight
am not fighting you -- says i --
but we talk
coward -- says serge
making the light off
and retiring to us spare bunk
ten
nine
eight
seven
six
five
oh fuck it thinks i
and curl us spare bunk vertically
against a wall
with serge upside down in it
be'dang ..
are you awake yet serge -- says i
serge is quick
up like a flash
lashing kicks
mainly mid body height
block i
steady state i
then a high kick
at mi temple
i catch the foot
and flips him over
he is quick
he sweeps
i hurdle
he's up again
lifts paws
and states --
we fight
am not fighting you -- says i
coward -- says serge
o'the more kicks
block i
steady state i
us irish mate calls over --
do him
do him
-- back seat
shadow boxing
encouraging
the both of us
another high kick
i catch it
this time i hold
and pogo serge
backwards
upon one leg --
how did you get in -- i query
more swearing -- the reply
flip
i bounce him
against a wall
up quick
more kicks
block i
steady state i
block i
have seen enough of this --
says us irish mate
move out the fucking way
no
he's mine -- barks i
me distracted
lets one through
looses glasses
that's better -- thinks i --
just shapes and moving colours
just like rugby
i dance serge closer
against a wall
small personal
jerky hand movements
do it
do it
he's asking for it -- barks us irish mate
well he's not having it -- i reply ..
i have an idea
drop back
and catch yet another foot
and pogo serge some more
get us the mop will ya -- i calls over
to us irish mate
cowards -- shouts serge hopping --
you don't fight like men
am not fighting you serge -- says i
how did you get in
the bathroom window's open
-- says us irish mate
coming out with the mop --
you'll not do much damage with this
it's too light
oh
i don't know -- says i
flipping serge to the ground
crashing down this time
on his back and neck ..
what you going to do with it
-- says us irish mate --
passing the mop between their hands ..
am gonna shove the sharp end
up his backside
and dangle him off
the balcony
like a lollipop stick
passes it
and open us that door
will ya -- says i ..
serge begins to squirm
i will kill you
when i get up -- says he
you're not getting up -- says i
it'll break -- says us irish mate
well
there's bound to splinters -- says i
are you awake yet serge ..
serge squirms some more
and calls me an animal
i bounce his head
off the tiled floor and say --
well
we're all fucking animals aren't we serge
you did parachute training dint ya
it's only twenty foot
er
about 7 metres ya
you should make it oder
are you ready teddy ..
us irish mate opens the door
i hook the sharp end
between serge's bum cheeks
and make to root him
as promised
and releases enough pressure
on his back and neck
serge is through the door
on all fours
quicker than quick mick
bang goes his head
against the balcony brick
i shut the door
and check the bathroom window
bang bang bang
goes the door
i pick up mi glasses
and make to go to bed
cowards -- is called from outside
i'm not having that -- says us irish mate
going for the door
leave him
it doesn't matter -- says i
bang bang bang again
then neighbours call quite
bark quite
serge persists
bang bang bang again
then glass smashes
then quite
us irish mate is up
checks the window
no
intact
opens the door
mop in hand
turns
pulls a funny face
shakes
and says --
yuk
you don't want to know ..
.. and then two incidents in december ..
* one/12
there is a banquet
five hundred covers for bmv
the young chefs and the front staff
have been chatting about it for days
young peripatetic professionals
globe trotting the cities
enhancing their cvs
i've been asked to turn up
a couple o'hours early
to help those on afters
in the early evening
i clock on
and bump in to the second chef
puffing on a fag
how's it going -- says i
he's doing my fucking head in
we've only just got
the starters back
i wish he'd just fucking leave me to it
instead of interfering all the time
he's a fucking primadonna ..
i giggle at this point
as have heard the same accusation
levelled at the second chef
by some o'us mates at a previous party
listen -- says the second chef --
it wasn't me
that put pork in the lasagna
do you know how many meals
i've had rejected
ever
i shake mi head
five -- says the chef
putting one hand up --
and i've been cooking
since i was this height
-- the chef motions
with the same hand flat
now at knee level --
i best get back
the chef leaves it there
and races back up the back stairs ..
i change in to mi beige all-in-one
and go report to mi station
top kitchen loading machine
the chefs and the front staff
are in a state o'nervous tension
trapped between hare and hair trigger
by the work and the head chef's bark
us spoolers have little to do
it looks like you are here all night
we leave at zwolft
-- says r to me
i shake mi head ..
and then they're off
third course is called
frantic in-and-outs of the front staff
through rubberised double door flaps
constant barkings of the head chef
until the chefs have cleared the covers
still little for us spoolers to do
except watch the head chef collect
and drink a belly full of bier-shi
at the counter of the service bar
then the plates come back
work at last
crating up, loading up
through the machine and stack
the head chef back barking
waitresses silver service
waiters in and out crossing
then bang a collision
broken plates
small one tumbles
shocked bruised tearful
but otherwise unhurt
i pick up mi mop and bucket
to go clear up the mess
the head waiter
ph marches through
the rubber doors
you -- he shouts at me --
clear that mess now
i drop the bucket between us
splish sploshing both mi boots
and ph's patent leather shoes
and reply --
nein
you machen
how dare you -- shouts ph --
i am not spooler
i know -- says i
so ..
you clear that mess now -- barks ph
nein
you machen -- says i
i am raged at
ph informs me
of their nationality and suggests
that i had best clear up that mess
or else ..
oder vas -- says i
looking at mi mop
oder
oder .. -- is the reply
listen -- says i --
i don't care what nationality
you think you are
but i strongly suggest
you get back out front
and do your job
and leave me in peace to do mine ..
ph retreats and informs me
that i am in big trouble
i tell ph that i am big trouble
as i go clear up the mess
where's jp tonight -- i ask r
relieved
we have a new banqueting chef tonight
but he's getting stoned elsewhere with fabio
m moves
and pulls the steel roller blinds down
on the service hatch of the minibar
keiner mal bier-shi
no more free beers tonight
m speaks to r
few words
no word to me this time
and only the one word ever
r nods and says --
we sack the head chef ya
follow ya ..
i nod and say ca va
it has already started
before we get there
a distance of 15 metres
various spoolers shouting
and mimicking the head chef
the head chef barking even more
the second chef telling us all to steady --
woh, woh people
no
woh people
what yous all doing
the noise gets louder
and louder and louder
until i can't
hear myself think
listen ! -- barks i
at the top o'mi voice
there is silence
the head chef makes to speak
listen ! -- i bark again
there is silence
listen to what -- says the second chef
listen to this -- says i --
tell him to fuck off
he's no longer needed
the head chef launches at me
the second chef gets between us
and says --
woh woh woh
we can't do this
mid service
cause you can tell him to fuck off
-- says i --
don't you know how
i thought it'd be second nature
to somebody from finglas
yeah
tell him to fuck off -- says one of the commis
the head barks at that
and the competing noise
starts again,
multifarious multilingual methods
of signing and wordage are sent
to the head chef as suggestions to be elsewhere
the front staff have began to join in
woh woh woh
we can't do this
mid service -- says the second chef
cause you can -- says i
i can't -- says the second chef
i need him
what for -- says i
i've never
i've never -- starts the second chef
never what
you've done more covers than this
in copenhagen
i know that
i know
but that was cooking
this is cheffing
well you're a chef now
aren't you
and have been for a long time
and there's a rake o'chefs
here to help you
the one stood next to you
has done bigger jobs
than this in zurich
tell him to fuck off
and then we'll resume service
i can't -- says the second chef
you can -- says the chef from zurich
the head chef turns and stares
at me
i stare back
you can -- comes in chants now
around the kitchen
you can -- says ph
the head chef turns and stares
at the second chef
the second chef turns
their hands skywards
the head chef turns back to me
and says --
no one tells me to fuck off
he turns
and then fucks off promptly in silence ..
we resume service
spater
at zwolft
the steel shutter goes back up
by one we've cleared away
all but the glasses
and are having a party of us own
in an adjacent conference room
the leftovers being brought through
champagnes, ports and lovely cheeses
sweetmeats
multicoloured cigarettes
the first time i'd seen them
there's dancing even
the smaller front staff who had tumbled
shows me the bruise on their bum
beneath their black suspender belt
they showed ph too
well they showed a few
r calls me over
to where m is sitting --
we've got something for you
what is it -- says i
r nods my attention to m
and says --
sit sit
i sit down
m reaches in to a bag
and pulls out a flat cap
resembling the one on m's head
m raises it between us
for me -- says i
m nods
i lost mine -- says i
we know -- says r
to a burst of laughter
take it -- says r
i make to take it
and m pulls it back sharp
and repeats yet again
the only word that ever came
from m's direction --
heiss
i laugh as m throws the cloth cap over ..
* two/12
i turns up to work
and says --
hi jp
wie ghets
ca va -- says jp
and you
ca va too
i've decided jp
i'm leaving
do you need my notice in writing
vas is los -- queries jp
nothing
i'm just leaving -- says i
you can't -- says jp
course i can -- says i smiling
nein
nein
you must not
follow me ya -- says jp
i follow jp
down labyrinthine corridors
to a room
an office
occupied by the steward chef mustafa
mustafa and jp chat
in french
jp pointing at me
do you need a holiday -- i am asked
no
i want to leave
varum
i need to be elsewhere
mustafa and jp chat some more
are you in love -- i am asked
yes i am -- says i
stay -- the reply --
you have this option
another six months
and be promoted
you will be able to transfer
to whatever city you wish
you can follow your love
where ever you wish
danka
but i can not
i have responsibilities elsewhere
silence
mustafa and jp look at each other
head shaking
jp mutters something
mustafa asks --
does this concern a child
it does yes -- says i
of course
well then of course ..
well then of course you must leave
at the end of the week if you wish
you will be paid for december
danka -- says i
and leave ..
vii. crimes and misdemeanours
-----------------------------
.. after the first silence
the small man said to the other --
where does a wise man
hide a pebble ..
and the tall man answered
in a low voice --
on the beach ..
the small man nodded
and after a short silence said --
where does a wise man
hide a leaf ..
and the other answered --
in the forest ..
there was another stillness
and then the tall man resumed --
do you mean
that when a wise man
had to hide a diamond
he has been known
to hide it
among sham ones
no no -- said the little man
with a laugh --
we will let bygone
be bygones ..
he stamped his cold feet
for a second or two
and then said --
i'm not thinking of that at all
but something else
something rather peculiar
just strike a match will you ..
[ gk chesterton ]
* what is television for
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
below is an edited extract
from the mactaggart lecture
delivered by jeremy paxman
at the mediaguardian
edinburgh international television festival
on 24 august 2007 --
.. but the most important change
it seems to me
is the philosophy that underpins what we do
there are too many people in this industry now
whose answer to the question:
*what is television for*
is:
*to make money*
there is nothing intrinsically wrong
with the restructuring of the industry
which the tories began
and labour has continued
the bbc was big and lumbering and arrogant
and plenty of the independents are lean
quick and creative
but the dynamic shifted
those reforms also removed from itv
obligations to produce
all sorts of programming
which was once deemed
to be a public good
instead of great regional companies
with distinguished records
granada tv being a case in point
we have one amorphous mass
then came the retreat
from children's programming
one by one
the public service requirements
are being abandoned
given the chance
who seriously doubts
that itv would abandon
much of its regional broadcasting
i'm not really blaming itv:
once you treat television
as if it's no different
to running a fast-food empire
of course commercial judgements rule ..
there has been a catastrophic
collective loss of nerve
one of new labour's tricks
was to commission polling evidence
and focus groups
to find out what people wanted
and then to offer it to them
television has gone much the same way
too often it seems that
the people at the top of this industry
no longer ask themselves
what they ought to be using
this uniquely powerful medium for
instead of seeking to enlighten the audience
they set out to second-guess them
in his speech
blair admitted
that a vast amount of the work
of his government
perhaps too much
had been devoted to handling the media
he justified this by claiming
it was because
the media pays little attention
to what goes on in places like parliament
because we're obsessed by impact
in a choice
between impact and accuracy
-- he said --
impact wins
he went on to accuse us
of using extravagant language:
every problem's a crisis
policies don't run into difficulty
they end up in tatters
we see everything in black and white
and have given up
separating fact from comment
we are ..
-- he said --
.. all being dragged down
by the way that
the media and public life interact
now we could dispatch some of these ideas quite quickly
we do not need to take seriously
complaints about the marginalising of parliament
from a prime minister
who could hardly be bothered
to turn up there much of the time
nor need we concern ourselves with
complaints about trivialisation of cabinet government
from a man whose cabinet meetings
could last less time
than an edition of ready steady cook
we do not need lectures about cynicism
from an administration which employed people
who believed that september 11
was a good day to bury bad news
most of all
we do not need homilies
about destroying people's reputations
from an administration
on whose watch dr david kelly
was driven to suicide ..
[ jeremy paxman ]
.. where does a wise man hide a leaf
in a forest
but what does he do if there is no forest ..
well
well ..
-- cried the tall man irritably --
.. what does he do
he grows a forest to hide it in
-- said the small priest
in an obscure voice --
a fearful sin ..
* what is t'internet for
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
< p > < q > < r >
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art
therapy
suicide
every day seems like a new story
a rolling story of suicides almost
i wonder
is suicide a sin
maybe keep that question open
at the min
and concentrate on the type of suicides
that like to take others with them
is this type of suicide a murderer
and if so
is murder a sin
no i know
some folk can be confused
thrown
by this type o'question
for instance
some folk
are very cautious
about there being notions
of any such things as sins
so rephrasing the question to
is murder a crime
and asking
if the answer now
feels easier
i think it must:
this principal underpins
lots of jurisdictions
and this principal is a truism
there is the same truism
in football
a referee can not disallow a goal
for what ever it is
and what ever happened
it is not goal
if it is disallowed
just like a killing
is not a murder
unless it is adjudged to be so ..
.. the tall man
faced round
and stared at
the little priest ..
yours is a clean story
-- cried father brown
deeply moved --
a sweet pure honest story
as open and white as that moon ..
madness and despair
are innocent enough
there are worse things flambeau ..
.. i must divide this story
in to parts ..
imagine there are two doors
or maybe just two artists
painting the same door
and that that difference
between the representations of the door
is merely a style ..
there are many games called football
lots where the ball is handled
they develop practises change
the hand is used
in june '86 a goal was scored
by the hand
of a short man jumping
and then a second
by his foot
both goals distracting
the audience
the cameras
the lines men
the referee
they distracted me
i watched them in a public house
on lindisfarn
i was on leave
the match was on tv
magic
old school
slight of hand
reinforced by slight of ego
a.k.a. words propaganda
words crap bollocks also
pain is a four letter word also
those who lie well, well they tend
to stick close to the truth also
confidence tricks
the goals allowed
on september 11 2001
over 5,000 people were killed
i am informed
by a group of men
who conspired to bomb
a number of occupied buildings
deemed strategic to project america
i am informed
that a group of men
were able to hijack commercial aircrafts
armed with box cutters and a death wish
i am informed
that two of these aircraft
were used to precisely bomb
three buildings in new york
i am also informed
that in another aircraft
the non hijacking occupants
were able to regain enough control
of this vehicle
to suicide and crash it ..
.. i am informed
as a consequence of these bombings
since this date
in the order of 200 fold this number
over 1,000,000 people have been killed
in an war
that a group of men
started against an abstract noun
are any of these crimes i wonder
where are the few good men i wonder too
i ask you
is killing wrong
i overheard a debate once
when training as a novice
out it the sticks
that made me question this
the story concerned a murder
or rather
an alleged murder
but spiked up weeks later
in the form
of a bicycle fall
the alleged murderer was hurt
and limped for a bit
nothing serious
his front wheel badly bruised
i was unaware
until i eavesdropped
on many conversations
that the debate centred
upon the use of land
i had thought initially
that the fall
had been designed
as some sort of comeuppance
to the young man
who limped away
other than the alleged murder
the chap had prior form
recklessly riding
his motor vehicle
through kids playing
but upon listening
to the parents
it became clear
that the debate was indeed
to do with land
footpaths
criss crossing
an unused but extant bridle path
access to multiple properties
and a drainage easement ..
.. you've got to do something about it
-- said one parent to another
after the first reckless ride
squashed a toy
kids jumping clear --
he's just an animal
you know what he did to his girlfriend
oh arn't we all though
-- replies another
all what
animals
well i'm not
and i don't think you are
you've never done what he's done
well if you're not
and i'm not
what makes you think he his
you know what he's done
no i don't
and you don't either
but i like you
have heard what he's done
and can form my own opinions
-- silence
and then --
sometimes i think you are a coward
-- silence
and then a reply --
if you saw where i work
i don't think
you'd call me a coward
listen
something's got to be done
cause i'll be soon asleep
and all these kids need to learn
how to cross roads
cause if they can't hear that motorbike
an hundred yards away
then there must be somat wrong
with their hearing
and they'll not last long
not even in this village
wi'owt checking
or a warning
but it is not a road !
and he's just brutal
he just doesn't care
it doesn't matter
i've known kids who have killed here
and there's been no one to blame
let it learn 'em
and get 'em to tell all their mates ..
.. well
i heard this story
being telt to their mates
and was intrigued
and formulated a question --
what did he do to his girlfriend
rumour has it -- starts one big kid --
that he forced a form of contraception ..
contraception .. -- barks another --
what you telling him
about contraception for
i was thinking of the morning-after ..
-- begins the first big kid again
morning-after what mr spock
it wasn't morning after was it
rumour has it that
she was a few months gone at least
ok ok .. -- the first big kid begins again --
rumour has it
that he forced his girlfriend
to have an abortion
abortion .. -- barks another --
what you telling him
about abortion for
ok ok
but if it wasn't an abortion
then what was it
does rumour say
she wanted him
to keep kicking her in the stomach
til he killed their kid
no
well then
we all know how rumour has it ..
.. after the second reckless ride
failed to squash a half brick
the young man buckled
kid jumping clear
i attended the cross examination
of said jumping kid --
did you put that brick there
it wasn't a brick
it was a half brick
did you put that half brick there
silence
silence, and then --
he could have died !
silence
he !
could !
have !
died !
i don't mind -- the reply
well you should mind
we've got a right one here
did you hear what he just said
no i heard him
he said he don't mind
but why should he
the young chap on the bike
obviously doesn't
but i do
but not about the brick
there's loads o'bricks around here
and that young chap didn't do much damage
to that half brick in any case
listen
you were told to listen
for that motorbike remember
didn't your hear it
silence
close your eyes
listen
can you hear it
silence
can you remember the sound
it makes
yes
tu'ta tu'ta tu'ta
rar rar rar
yes
did you hear it ..
close your eyes ..
listen
earlier
can you hear it
no
what can you hear
nothing
what nothing
no birds no nothing
yes birds
then wheels rolling
then no birds
no nothing
what wheels rolling
no tu'ta tu'ta rar rar rar
no
wheels rolling down like cart
and after he hit the brick
no i'm not bothered about that brick
close your eyes
can you here no tu'ta tu'ta rar
yes
no tu'ta tut tut
what can you see
wheels stopping
listen
you should mind
open your eyes
you should mind
there's far better ways
than this
you should mind
listen ..
.. there was absolute silence
in the dock
and in the court room as a whole
within thirty seconds
of its commencement
the cross-examiner who had mentioned
the far better ways
fell in fact sound asleep
still silence
i sat and listened
older members of the court
amused themselves with comic books
later radio chatter
and television
hours past
tea was drunk
snacks consumed
i fell asleep also
i awoke to a shout
outside the courtroom --
i'm not having that !
no one calls me that !
i asked the person
sat between me
and the window
in the gallery
for explanation --
ah -- says the observer
prodding my shoulder
and me awake further
observer pointing states --
that's the father
of the motorbike rider
doing all that shouting
i suspect that lady
thought she was addressing him
with a friendly nick name
what did she call him
sh sh
let's listen ..
outside there are more voices --
don't have a go at her -- says the ladies partner
she dosen't know you
by any other name
it's what i've always called you
well i'm not having you call me that !
-- barks motorbike father
well you don't have to -- replies ladies partner
i don't intend to talk to you much
have never seen much point
in talking to you at all
steady -- came a call from a neighbour
hallo -- says motorbike father --
what are you doing here
i could hear you
from two streets away
it's enough
to wake the dead -- replies the neighbour
well i'm glad you're here
something's got to be done
my lad's been seriously hurt
he's lucky to be alive
is he -- replies the neighbour
yes
he most certainly is -- says motorbike father --
is he -- replies the neighbour
querying the wider gathering
yes
he most certainly is -- replies a prosecutor --
the court's now in session
what you building in your backyard
what you building in that land you occupy
what's that got to do with anything !
oy stay out !
that's my land
cross that line
and i'll have you prosecuted !
summonsed
and i don't need to cross that line
'cause i can just about make it out from here
'cause have heard you making it
and i can smell the chemicals you're using
it's some kind of work shop isn't it
no it's not
it's just a place
to repair my lad's vehicle
he has the makings of a fine mechanic
you know
never
you're not telling me
it's taken you all this time
to build a place
to repair just one vehicle
well no
he tinkers you know
we have lots of tools
it is the modern world
and maybe later
much later
we might trade from there
if it's appropriate
but if we did
we wouldn't intend
bringing vehicles along this path
we'd intend taking them
straight off that road
and through the disused church land
i'm already in negotiations
no you won't -- interrupts a point of order
won't what
take vehicles that way
who's going to stop me
me
am not having constant noise
and bad smells around here
it's bad enough at work
what bad smells !
that's just creosote
i ask you
just to weather the wood work
and the noise is nothing
it will quieten down
when we finish building
it won't be long now
you've said that before -- continues a prosecutor --
in fact once
you said you had finished
finished !
i don't recall saying that !
yes you did
it was in the spring
may i think
you and a group
of your mates were celebrating
weren't you patting each other
on the back
and saying
we've done it
we've finished -- harps in a point of order
oh
i know what's confusing you
-- continues motorbike father --
it wasn't really you
that i was addressing
but i remember that day well
that was an important day
we had indeed finished
an important part of the works:
the demolition
we've come a long way since then
i can assure you
well the noise hasn't stopped
it still sounds like demolition
no no
that's the sound of building
well it sounds to me
like you're using the same tools
no no
well of course
sometimes we have to
i grant you
we've had the occasional obstacle
but we've been building
for a long while now
well whatever you've been building
for a long time now
you won't be accessing it
through the church land
-- states a point of order
oh won't i
who's going to stop me
me
i've a drainage easement
running along its border
am i'm not having you cross it
well you're not telling me
anything i don't know
it is my drain too
and my easement
and that's a matter of public record
and i can cross it when i want
no
you may repair that drain
if it brakes
and even clean it if you so wish
but otherwise there's a two yard strip
attached to the land i occupy
am i'm not having you across it
you will hear from my solicitors !
will i
well tell them
when ever they're ready
they can view the deeds
i ask you
i ask you
what do we have here
not only has my lad been seriously hurt
but other children
but for the grace of god
i ask you
surely it would make a lot of sense
to cross that strip
i ask you
if not
these things are bound
to happen again
if your lad's such a good mechanic
what was wrong with his vehicle today
-- continues a prosecutor
what do you mean
why didn't he have his engine switched on
why did he free wheel down the bridle path
around that bend
it's not like him
to be so quite
it's not like either of you
didn't he know kids play here
i don't know what
you are talking about
but if you are slandering my lad
i'll have you in court !
no maybe
you don't know what
i'm talking about
but maybe your lad does
if he's old enough to drive
he's old enough to talk for himself
let's have him out here
no !
he's hurt !
he can still limp can't he
let's have him out here !
no !
he's hurt !
the doctor says
he must not be disturbed
and in any case
it is my place
to deal with him
as i always have
he is of good character
be rest assured
and rest assured
if i thought he was responsible
for any wrong doing
i'd be down on him
like a ton of bricks
i can tell you
he has more to fear from me
than from any one else
i have never spared the strap
with any of my children
and wouldn't intend
to start now
well maybe it's you then
me then what
you that's responsible
responsible for what !
kicking something in to him
when you were trying
to kick something out of him
no
if the lad's old enough to drive
he's old enough to talk for himself
let's have him out here
-- interrupts a point of order
steady -- came a call from a neighbour
what is this !
some kind of kangaroo court !
beats me
are you some kind of kangaroo
i'm not having this
i don't know what you've heard
but if this is anything to do
with what happened
between him and that women
then you can't have heard the truth
and you can't have heard the full story
because if you'd have ever met
any of her family
you wouldn't be concerned
about anything that happened to them
you'd think good riddance
good riddance to the lot of them
yes
then why did he go out with her
in the first place
-- interjects a point of order
oh he liked her at one bit
well he liked the family
he use to give them weapons
as christmas presents
i'm not having this !
my lad was seriously hurt today
here !
and we've all got a good idea
who is to blame
yet nothing is being done !
but you're judging my lad
about something
that may or may not have happened
miles and miles from here
to some one that no one
in their right mind
would give a farthing for
not one farthing
and you're judging my lad
on malicious rumour
and slander !
i'm not having it !
no
neither am i
tell him from me
if he's riding any thing
other than a horse around here
he is to dismount and push it
or what !
you don't want to know
yes yes i do
it's a threat isn't it
i didn't think it would be long
everyone heard you
you know
i think it is becoming clear now
what's going on here
what kind of rough justice
you and your kind deal in
yes yes
i want to know
tell him to dismount or what !
listen
if you really want to know
i suggest we clear this place
of everyone here but you and me
and i'll put you straight
steady !
see see !
what did i tell you !
threats !
i don't know why i expected more
i don't know why any of us
would have expected more
i ask you
no more than ignorant muck savages
animals the lot of them
animals are we
well some say
ignorance is bliss
i'm not listening
to any more of this
i came here
to find out who tried to kill my son
and to try and avoid this
happening again
here to anyone
before it is too late !
and what do i get
i ask you !
threatened by some paddy come lately
and told how i can use
my land and property
well i'm not having it !
i have solicitors
and friends in high places
well able to deal with this !
i know the law !
and they will see
my rights are upheld
and the correct party punished !
enough !
killing !
you speak so lightly about killing !
-- barks a neighbour
i do not !
it's about time
we got our priorities right
about killing in this neighbourhood
i don't think we can
nothing i've heard here
gives me much hope
today
someone tried to kill my lad on purpose
and what do you talk about
past accidents
or gossip about how he defended himself
in a much crueler part of world
enough ! -- begins a neighbour --
no enough !
you asked me earlier
why i was here
i will tell you
i could tell you about cruelty
if you wish
but let me tell about killing
i have killed you see
not once
but many times
many times
on purpose
accidentally
some would say
and i could say myself
negligently recklessly
and have killed because
i've been told to
and have told people to kill
i've even been decorated for it
by the land on which we stand
so if killing is on the agenda
in this neighbourhood
then consider me here
as a matter of habit
you make a very good point
-- interjects motorbike father --
and i'm glad you're here
i have many friends who fought
for us too
many friends like you
who protected us
and this land
in its hour of need
and we are truly grateful
and i think they would agree with you
that we are forever in your debt
to deliver us from that evil
that chaos
that was brought upon us by mad men
and i know my friends
would say
i've heard them
that they are happy
ney relieved
that we again
have civil justice here
and the right to prosper
in this land
if we work hard
god willing
and for that
we are forever in our armys debt
but things progress
if not overseas
then at least here
and i'd be very surprised
if any one
hear
would claim that i
or any one else for that matter
should not have the right
to pursue my very real grievances
in the courts
of this land
isn't that what was truly won
order
and the right to progress
now
i heard earlier
talk of this bridle way
bridle way i ask you
things move on
you don't see many horses
around here these days
do you
now i know
some people don't like motor vehicles
they don't like change
but change is coming
it's already here
and i like you
have at least the right
to pursue a livelihood
and what's more
i would have thought
this neighbourhood
would have been
foreword thinking enough
to welcome the new skills
and job prospects
the change brings with it !
enough ! -- barks the neighbour --
enough !
you talk but fail to listen !
steady -- interrupts a point of order --
let him talk this time
this one i've got to hear
what job prospects
mechanics
isn't it obvious
surely it must be obvious
no
even if you tried
and i don't suggest you do
i doubt whether you'd get
a reliant robbin even
down that bridle path
and as i said
am not having you
across that drainage easement
and i can smell more than just creosote
what you really up to
in that shop of yours
and what job prospects
have you got to offer
oh i've had enough of this
i don't know why i bother
well i do
never let it be said
that i didn't try
to work things out here first
in this community
but i won't be forced backwards
by an unwillingness
which appears all too common these days
to accept logical progress
my team
my legal representatives
will find a way
i won't have money and time wasted
at this late stage
at this very late stage
that would be ludicrous
it is too late
to stop this work now
i ask you
maybe at an earlier stage
but not now
that times past now
and i have a moral right
to complete this project
and how are you
going to get the vehicles
in and out
you will not stop me !
i have many friends
who know the ways of the world
you know
it wouldn't surprise me
not one little bit
if your stubbornness
to compromise
your reluctance
to make logical progress
will sooner or later
cause a great deal of unwelcome disruption
to this neighbourhood
how
well
your stubbornness
could be responsible
for pushing me
in to pursuing an option
to find a safe route
a safe route for all concerned
in
from the other way
what other way
that chapel
that tin hut !
what !
-- the point of order began to giggle
which paused motorbike father
just a little --
what
would you like that
i must say
it is of little consequence to me
i do not know who they worship there
but it is certainly not the god
i worship in the services i attend
-- the point of order begins to laugh --
what !
is this you're game
to push me
in to doing something
i don't particularly want to do
which i know could bring some disruption
to the nice folk of this community
no -- replies the point of order still laughing --
i don't think yor able
what !
to get through that way
i don't think yor able
don't try and tell me
that you occupy that land too
because i know all about that land
i had surveys done a long time ago
and it certainly isn't you
no
that's not it
i just don't think yor able
able to do what !
to get through that way
to get through that church
and you can't get round it
can you
i wouldn't intend to
i would drive a path straight through it
i could bulldoze that tin hut out of the way
in just three days
if i was so minded
no
that's it
i just don't think yor able
do you doubt my word !
i have listened to yor talk
and i've seen you perform
and i just don't think yor able
don't get me wrong
i know yor able to start jobs
but i've yet to see you finish one
and i don't know if yor able
but i do know this
that i don't know who you worship
or if you worship
anything other than yourself
or what stories you've been told
about the kings
but there's one i suspect you know
about a lad who allegedly said
two thousand years ago
that he could tear a church down in three days too
and do you know what
they still talk about him now
now
i know you're a big man
and i know you've got friends in very high places
but as big as you are
and as big as you think you are
i doubt whether yor able
to be half the lad he was
or any of them lads they talk o'
because yor just a wrecker
and a noisy one at that
and i've had enough too
because you don't appear to mind
you just appear to talk
do you know
the way you're going on
it wouldn't surprise me
if you ended up with a life sentence
gibberish !
pure gibberish
i've had enough of this !
why should i listen
when what you talk
is such gibberish
enough ! -- stops the neighbour --
has everyone had enough then !
-- continues the neighbour
addressing the wider gathering --
then i wish to say my peace
and give you something
to remind you of what's been said
here
tonight between us
< i lost my window view
at that point
pushed out of the way
by the observer
but i heard this .. >
speak if you wish
i shouldn't think
it will make much difference
no neither do i
but you thanked me earlier
for defending you
against a mad man
and i'll thank you
to be quite now
while i say my peace
oh
is that who it is
the great pretender
i did thank you
i've thanked thousands like you
but that doesn't mean
you can speak on behalf of the army
cause he can
he's spoke on behalf the army
since the early thirties
at least in this village
-- interrupts a point of order --
no -- states the neighbour --
yes yes
some would say too early
blood sweat and tears wasn't it
how many men did you take
from this community
and how many men did you bring back
tell us
how many
how many
i'll tell you
-- interrupts a point of order --
none
well there we have it
don't we
have what
folly
let him say his peace
there was no press gang
men followed willingly
folly
don't think folk back home
weren't active during the war
some of us were willing to go
we wanted to go
we were waiting to go
and were refused and shattered
but we accepted it
there was plenty of work still to be done
peaceful work
and we did it
without any high or peggy martin
no reward other than knowing
we were doing our level best
and giving hope
to our service personal
that there was something
to return home to
something for the common man
as well as just those
with ribbons and bows
who might have just got them
because they were the sole survivor
sometimes it is a folly to follow a old war horse
if not then
especially in times of peace
folly !
no -- interrupts a point of order --
you misunderstand me
men followed him willingly
and he brought lads back
not just once
but many times
many times
no ! -- barks a neighbour --
i do not speak for the army
i speak for myself !
speak then
progress !
i speak on the behalf of death
i represent killing here !
listen !
i don't care about your shop
i never have
but i mind about killing
and you seem unwilling
to address it
even when it's your own kid
and i'm not having it
not for any kid
cause whatever i thought
i went to war for
and what ever i thought
i was fighting for
none of what i did
makes any sense to me
if the kids still think
they need to kill
if they know no better ways
and am not having it
am not having them do it
if killing's still on the agenda
i'll do the killing myself
it's just one more for me you see
listen
have got something to give you
progress !
< there was a considerable air movement
like a gasping
i formulated a question
to the observer
obscuring the gallery window --
what is it
what did he give him
sh sh
let's listen -- replied the observer
i did listen
it did not make much sense to me
not at the time
me being a novice
out in the sticks
still learning the vernacular .. >
when he wakes up
tell him
if there's a next time
it won't be a flat hander
we'll be giving him ..
< p > < r >
< q >
< n > < o > < s > < t >
< e >
< m > < d > < f > < u >
< l > < c > < g > < v >
< k > < b > < h > < w >
< j > < a > < x >
< i > < y >
< z >
forms
--
b iv) conceptualisation of the other ::
a prototype parton state ::
part one
... to be continued ...
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