[ssf] a matter of life and death
the rockferries
adam at diamat.org.uk
Tue Nov 4 12:07:10 GMT 2008
i.
--
i have a problem with livery
we all do
it works like this --
you may be wearing a trendy coat
or carrying a new gadget
or gimmick, or as marx may have put it
possessing some object pleasing to the desires
of the observers ...
and then the observer goes and
asks you a question --
where did you get that from
well it doesn't matter usually
you can say --
i made it
or i got it from over there
but the problem is
what do you say if
you got the object as a gift
other than thank you
to the person
that gave it to you
in the first place
if mi welsh ever asked --
where did you get that from
in the first place
whatever the reply was
the second question would usually be --
what's she to you
even if the it in question
was but a new welly bag
provided as a free bea
by a plastic pipe manufacturer
feelings
proximity
curiosity
who knows where the second part springs from
but this second question springs sometimes
and sometimes i've been guilty
of the incomplete unordered list above
and have given something first
and have sometimes given repeatedly
but one seldom gets the chance
to explain
or moreover
one seldom gets the time --
for instance
a mate of a mate o'mine
appeared to get a good going over
in the back of a van
and i said --
tell her if she wants to make a complaint
i'll represent her
i don't want you to represent me
-- said one o'mi mates
i'm not making the offer to you
i'm making the offer to her
you've got to move on
or words to that effect
sez mi mate
you're still trying to save the world
listen -- sez i --
this is the world
look around
it needs saving
ii.
---
it's become a fast world
i remember a much slower one
me and mi mate in i. above
swap gifts
we always have
we're mates
we do it quite openly now
at one time
we swapped presents privately
these things do happen occasionally
i don't think it is anything to be embarrassed about
well, not necessarily
but now we do it quite openly
most of us mates
if they were bothered
about it at all
would think i suspect
that our persistent gift swapping
was quite appropriate
to our, and our other relationships
iii.
----
me and another mate
chatted some nights
about some copyright i hold in some code
mi mate was concerned that by gifting the code
to the general public license
that i was giving away us copyright
it doesn't work like that does it
we still have the right to copy it
i do sometimes
i copy other stuff too
there's loads of stuff out there
just ripe for the picking ...
many threads were going through mi head --
it appears to me that this is how
the backbone of the internet is being built
my code is useless in isolation
it's no more than at best
a very thin layer
on top of apache and bind etc, etc, etc
but i kinda took a guess at what mi mate was thinking
and paraphrased it
on mi mates behalf
like this --
what's she to you ...
it's a library, init, -- sez i aloud --
we're just filing us code really
at a place we think best
there's loads o'academics at it
we're infrastructure building really
whose infrastructure
-- questions mi mate --
the porn industries infrastructure ...
well, you can see how a thing
can go all pete tong --
whose yor daddy, porn or apache ...
my code is but a thin layer
-- sez i, if only to misen
but then an answer came to mi --
somebody told me once
there's only two kinds of folk --
liars and wankers
now i don't know about that
but i think as folk grow up
they tend to trade these initial habits
for less lonely ones
or at least some folk do ...
but you can see how mi mate was right in a way though
tmbl puts it some where like this --
great inventions spring from either sex
or pornography
maybe it's all to do with
how long you cuddle after
but if we are to imagine muses
can we not have big dreams any more
or is it now just quick dreams
flicked off the wrist dreams
roll on, roll off, just there
for a minute dreams
commodified
that must inspire
funny old world we live now
this quick world
iv.
---
i turn up at the site cabins
face like fuzz
get a cuppa
and walk in
to mi welsh mate
whose doing maths
inspired by the back
of a tabloid
mi welsh mate stares at me
over the top of their prescription goggles
and says --
well
how did you get on
i shake mi head
and says --
you were right
it was a set up
mi welsh mate snorts
and i stare at mi mate some more
mi welsh mate snorts some more
and says --
you are still mad
aren't you
i continue to stare
until the snorting stops
and then mi welsh mate
sez to me --
you remind me of my son
i didn't know you had a son
-- says i --
of course i have a son
what do you take me for
-- mi welsh mate is intrigued --
i shake mi head slightly
still staring and take a few seconds
to reply --
well
you've never talked about him around me
well -- says mi welsh mate --
i've not talked to him
in a long time ...
silence
mi welsh still jotting numbers down
me, head shaking sez --
is he by your first misses
yes
-- is nodded over the safety specs --
and i don't talk to her at all ...
but you knew it was a set up though
-- entreats mi welsh mate --
didn't you set up against it
yeah -- sez i nodding --
or least i thought
i'd set up some
but no, but what about her
-- sez i shaking mi head --
your first misses
is there no hope
of reconciliation ...
why would i
want to be reconciled with her
-- barks mi welsh mate --
and in any case
i am happily married
nayow, a dint mean it like that
-- sez i --
i meant for your lad ...
no -- replies mi welsh mate
and then in time ... --
no,
i have two daughters by her also
the sweetest girls you've ever seen
but it is too late now
that time is past
tell me now
the set up
who took the meeting
well ... -- starts i
still shaking mi head --
what are you shaking your head for
-- questions mi welsh mate --
i stop shaking mi head
and mi welsh mate sez --
well
tell it
ok
i took the first meeting
or thought i had
what first meeting -- queries mi welsh mate
with a growl
and bushed eye brows --
oh, the one with the union reps
the workforce side met first
before we met the management side
they do the same thing
on the management side too
they have a premeeting also
there's no sides in this one
is there
-- barks mi welsh mate --
how can there be any sides in this one
we're a fucking city aren't we
no i know -- sez i --
but that was my set up
i thought i'd take the premeeting
and roll through the new agenda
to the main meeting
but it didn't work out like that
no -- replies mi mate
now head shaking --
no, well i took the first meeting
or at least i thought i did
like you say
just stick to the fucking obvious
well i told them the fucking obvious
and they seem to get it
many were nodding
and any not nodding
were at least smiling
well then, said i
shall i say to the council
what have just said to yor
again, many were nodding
and any not nodding
were at least smiling
but i should have known
the approval came too fast
too sudden, too like, too like
oh, i don't know, like shit i guess
mi welsh mate snorts
and sez --
approval from whom
they are not the city
and -- barks mi welsh mate --
you are sounding like a virgin
and you are not a virgin
i nod
stop romanticising
and answer --
nayow
but mebbe i'm hoping to become one
mi welsh mate
pulls their head back this time
and sez --
you say the strangest thing sometimes, you do
i don't know where you get it from
i shake mi head again
and sez --
nayow
neither do i
i stand up
root a one and an half inch thick
a4 document
out of a plastic carrier bag
and sez --
here,
the council call this
the rainbow document
i flick through the pages
look at the colours
i stood up in the main meeting
like i'm standing up now
encouraged by the premeeting
flicking through the leaves
each colour represents
a different department
tables of redundancies --
this is nothing new, sez i to the meeting
this is exactly the same format
that's been churned out
for the last five years
to my recollection
but what is new
in case you've missed it
is that
of the remaining twenty thousand
of us left behind
after
the first nineteen thousand
were pushed or jumped
in to early retirement
of those left behind,
one thousand folk, five percent
of the workforce
are on long term sick
with stress
stress
fucking stress
fucking shirkers more like
-- barks mi welsh mate --
maybe -- sez i --
but your navy, so what ever where ever
and i, well i could sleep on a clothes line
but you can see
how it would take the premeeting
yes -- barks mi welsh mate --
because they are glassbacks also
i giggle and sey --
well me'be
but that's as far as i got
in the main meeting
i got stopped by the chair
a chief steward
from the old boiler makers union
interrupted me mid flow --
he just said --
we have a full agenda already
time allocated to this meeting is short
if there is time available at the end
we could deal with this concern then
in any other business ...
well surely you were expecting that
-- enquires mi welsh mate
not really -- replies i --
that little shit
had chaired the premeeting too
and was nodding and smiling
along with the rest of them
ten minutes before
et tu fucking brutee
was his agenda
mi welsh snorts
and sez --
listen, popeye
you're fucking loony tunes, you are
stop romanticising, see
you are not a fucking virgin, see
when i asked you
why do you do these things
these union things or what ever
you said to me --
i'm training to be lawyer in my spare time
i'll soon be gone, you said
this is just practice
then
i respected your answer
but now
i don't
you've become sentimental
about this city
but she is just a city
when all said and done
and when all said and done
if this city doesn't recognise
what kind of people she needs
just to get the fucking work done
others will
without a doubt
i shake mi head again
and say --
i know, a know
i just wanted to get them finally
oh, i just wanted to get everybody finally
to address what's happening with us pensions
what pensions -- barks mi welsh mate --
they've been bent as a bent check
for a very fucking long time now
i know -- sez i --
a just didn't think
it had got so far in
i reckon that that was
the more likely reason
why that boiler maker
shut me up in the first place
it might have been amusing
for him, to have me talking about stress levels
but he didn't want me screwing
with his pension plan
he's an old bloke like you, you see
but i doubt
he's got as many krugerrands
i am not fucking old
-- barks mi welsh mate --
no i know
he's maybe five years older though
you'll be fifty in five years though
won't you
well -- barks mi welsh mate --
what of it
well
this city pensions you off now
as soon as you get to fifty you know
fucking fifty
fucking glassbacks
-- barks mi welsh mate
then states -
i'll still be working
when i'm fucking fifty
i won't be taking any fucking enhancement
from no cunt
no -- sez i --
no -- mi welsh mate replies --
i'll be long gone before then anyway
i think most of us will
oh -- sez i, i pause ...
and then i say --
well, he was a little bit smaller than you
in any case
that little shit
but a similar beard,
a little bit greyer though
-- i stare at mi welsh mate --
mi welsh mate snorts --
do you think you could have took him
took him where -- sez i --
he might have been big lad once
but now he looks fucking anorexic
i was going to have a quite word with him mind
later, but i thought better of it
or rather, it wasn't really him
that took the meeting, i think he just took the status quo
or his own private status quo at least
and intends jumping ship like the rest
of his age group, but with a fat pension
topped up by ten years, but topped up from where
where's that fucking money coming from, thin air
or has it been magicked somehow
out of a red fez
is tommy cooper still up to his old tricks
fuck me, when is our short sighted youth
going to wake up
how this next generation
hopes to recoup this loss
i do not fucking know
this is not the only city
-- barks mi welsh mate --
i stare
mi welsh mate continues --
there's bigger losses than the pensions
you know this
look at our own industry for example
i nod
who took the meeting
-- continues mi welsh mate --
no, hold on, stow that thought
you better get fucking changed
david will be down soon
we have a meeting ourselves at two
i'm going to get a cuppa
before we show david round ...
mi welsh mate stands
writes some mathematics
on a scrap a paper
and goes switches on
a kettle in our on-suit
kitchen
what you on about -- barks i --
i am fucking changed
mi welsh mate just snorts
and sez --
well put your fucking hat on then
and polish your boots
i want to get round this job
and get this fucking progress meeting
over and done with quickly
i've not had my lunch yet
have you
no -- sez i, slowing --
yeah, it would be good to get rid of 'em quick
i don't know though this time,
this time
their m.d.s coming down apparently
it's about fucking time
this crowd got somebody down here
with a modicum of fucking shout
-- replies mi mate
putting three sugars
and a tea bag
in to a cup --
but this m.d. doesn't own this crowd
or rather, i'm pretty sure he doesn't
but then it doesn't matter, does it
who they send down here, no
not at all
not at this stage of the proceedings
nayow
a guess not
there can be no fucking guessing about this
-- continues mi welsh mate
pouring in the boiling water --
i don't know if they'll make it, this fucking outfit
i don't know if it's just us
but rumour has it
they're having trouble
on many of their ventures
and have you seen their business stationary recently
look, look
-- barks mi welsh mate
flinging a biro
at the in-tray --
look
-- i pick up
a recent letter --
since this job started
-- continues mi welsh mate --
they've lost so many directors
they seem to be unable
to keep up with their own restructure
well,
not as far as their paper work is concerned
i bet they've got someone
sitting in a back room
with a steady hand
a ruler, and a fine ink pen
crossing through the alsorans
but you can still see their names
i think this outfit's very cheep you know
either that,
or they have no shame
look -- points mi welsh mate
back in the main room now
crouching quickly
biro back in hand
pointing --
look at this jockey here
remember him, he was down here last year
can you remember what this crowd
were saying about him then --
we're very lucking to have him, sez they
vast amounts of experience, sez they
been with us for a very long time,
trust his judgement and expertise
top dog, absolutely wondrous,
just wondrous ...
well, he's fuck off now hasn't he
hes' skipped off with a big stash
and set up as ...
well, set up as ...
well, i do not fucking know what ...
... is he a competitor, or a fucking consultant
-- barks mi welsh mate --
it's beyond me
he's took them all some how
he must know where the bodies are buried ...
... either that
or this contractor is very naive
but they still talk about him
in glowing terms, but he's gone
and it was them
that fucked him off
not us
when all said and done ...
... and if he's got so much fucking experience
get him back on this job
because by fuck, this crowd could do with all
the experience it can muster ...
... but no
they are talking bollocks again, as always
they wanted rid of him themselves
he'd made so many fucking twists and turns
on so many fucking jobs
get him out the fucking limelight
before he takes them fucking all down ...
... but still, you can read his name on their paper
like i say, it's all very peculiar
i don't know
if they'll make it, no
not this outfit, no
no at all
nayow, neither do i
i heard that last one's
turned religious
high church apparently
hold on a minute -- sez i --
didn't that happen
to that director
we fucked off
job before last
i wonder if it's something
to do
with us
no, is it fuck
-- explains mi welsh mate --
it's their fucking cover isn't it
you can hear it in their talk
and anyway, what the fuck
has that got to do with anything on this job
it's this type of work
on which they've claimed experience ...
... what fucking experience
-- continues mi welsh mate
barking at me accusingly --
we all saw how he performed
well your top dog shat in the ring
best of fucking breed was he
well, let's have that poodle back here
let's all hear his prayers this fucking time ...
i giggle, then slowly reply --
it's not going to work like that though
is it
how do you mean -- barks mi welsh mate --
well,
you've slowed them down again haven't you
the contractor
i haven't slowed any cunt down
-- retorts mi welsh mate --
haven't you -- sez i --
well
it's going ever so fucking slowly round here now
since the main subby pulled off
what of it
i told you
when this job commenced
that this contractor
could not complete on time
no i know
they never can -- sez i --
but since the main subby pulled off
we've gone from three weeks behind
to three plus how ever many weeks
that subby's been pulled off
we're at a virtual fucking standstill
so -- replies mi welsh mate flatly --
are you worried about a time based claim
you've been measuring the works haven't you
yes, last week
i issued an interim payment
i'm on with the next measure now
but there's nowt happening out there
is there
fuck them
you have the works measured
and your on top of their claims
fuck them, make a start on the as-builts
if you're at a loose end
oh, that's a thought
-- but then i shake mi head
and sey --
but can i ask you then
why you slowing them down
i am not
slowing any cunt down
-- barks mi welsh mate --
ok -- sez i --
well, why is there nothing happening
around here then
mi welsh mate stares at me
head shaking
back sat with the tabloid
and sez --
this contractor is fucking slow
they've always been fucking slow
i was speeding them up
i've stopped for a bit
let them run this show for a change
see how they fucking like it
fair enough
-- sez i, as i put on mi hat --
do you like
very fetching -- replies mi welsh mate --
you first family
-- restarts i --
what about my first family
do you still have any affection
infection -- barks mi welsh mate --
i stare at mi welsh mate
and sez --
no, affection, feelings
not infection, disease,
feelings, do you not have feelings
for your first family
of course i have fucking feelings
for my first fucking family
very strong feelings
-- barks mi welsh mate --
what do you take me for
i shake mi head again
stop shaking your head
and forget it
-- barks mi welsh mate --
tell me now
who took the main meeting
i nod this time
and sez --
well, if anybody did
it was an old shop steward
from the teachers union
i thought she was some kinda nut
at first, when she started giggling
as i stared out slim pickets
and the various smirkers
around the fucking table
she giggled, looked at me
coughed, put her eyes skywise
picked up the rainbow book
and knocked it down on to the table
as though to align the pages
but in between her rainbow sheets
flickered little bits of yellow post it stickers
numbered and labeled ...
and then it began,
the questions --
can i ask you this question -- she says --
to that little shit
from the boilers union
oh yes, oh yes -- says she --
you'll be retired soon
won't you ...
can i ask you this question
-- she says to another --
how can your department undertake
it's statutory duties
with respect to blah, blah, blah
given that you intend cutting back blah, blah, blah
this year, and you cut back blah, blah, blah
last year ...
oh -- sez she --
you don't know either
well that's ok then
i thought i was missing something ...
and you, yes you
-- continues the lady
to another two
sat around the table --
you know how we all have had to suffer
toughen our belts
as it were
well, rumour has it
that the chief officers
of this city
have just had a pay increase
of blah, blah percent
we have not -- barks one chief officer --
this is just rumour, hearsay
and jealously
jealousy is it
-- replies the lady
thumbing through the post it notes --
i will refer the meeting
to page blah blah blah
of the rainbow document
which set's out the rumoured pay increase
in black and white terms
which is wrong --
this document, or
this chief officer
well, that chief officer dint know where to look
but his boss did,
but then again,
his boss is fucking oxbridge
they're fucking trained to this some of 'em
do you what that cunt said
mi welsh mate sheks his head
he just fucking laughed
like it was just all so fucking hilarious
and said to yor one --
ha ha ha ha ah
why do you ask these questions
if you already know the answers
now, she impressed me
-- sez i
to mi welsh mate --
she just turned on this cunt
and said --
this city employs me as a teacher
i learn and deal with kids five days
out of seven
it pays me to know the answers
to the questions i ask
mi welsh mate's head rose a bit
and said --
well, did she get them
nayow -- sez i --
but she might have got me ...
mi welsh mate's head goes back again
goggles off this time
and stares
...no, i didn't mean like that
-- sez i --
have only met her briefly
she stopped me on the way out though
i was following your doppleganger
for that chat i was thinking about
i mean she got me thinking
that's all
well, everybody gets you thinking
oh -- stops mi welsh mate --
what -- sez i --
nothing
what did she say
well, she said
given the state of this city
she could just about understand
how it may be relevant for a teacher to attend
these meetings, but she thought as an engineer
i'd be more useful elsewhere
engineer -- snorts mi welsh mate --
yeah i know
that one made me giggle too
but then it does makes a change
from doctors and nurses
what's she to you
-- barks mi welsh mate
then stops and sez --
well fuck that anyway
i was out last night
at the subby's farm
they've got quite a few acres
it's a big spread
big family, i'd gone down to see their horses, see
i met the daughter, see
the one who runs their books
you should go down there yourself
and take a look
i stare at mi welsh mate
and this time it's me
that pulls mi head back
what -- barks mi welsh mate --
she doesn't look anything like her fucking father
or any of her fucking uncles
if that's what your worried about
and boy can she ride
she's very sturdy
very well built
she's obviously fucking irish though
but then again
yor a fucking paddy too
you might suit each other
my first wife was irish
scotch irish
fucking head the ball altogether
that reminds me
where's that fucking chain lad
best get him to give this place
a quick sweep ready for the progress meeting
oh
i saw him on mi way in
he's mopping up over in their cabins
he waved at me
he's a nice lad inhe arnie
he just does as he's told
but i think they think that we're having the meeting
over at theirs for some reason
mi welsh mate stands up
marches to the front door
and barks --
arnold
arnold
the chain lad comes running out the contractors cabins
what the fuck you doing over there
-- continues mi welsh mate --
it's this cabin that needs sweeping
move yourself
leave the mop
the floors just need a sweep
come on
get a move on
various contractor staff slowly
start coming out their cabins
some in suits, some in more casual ware
but we thought we'd have the meeting
over in our cabins this time
-- is stated by their agent --
well you thought wrong
-- corrects mi welsh mate --
but doesn't it make sense
we've a far bigger room
and we've got a few folk
coming down from head office
good
it's about time
but no
it doesn't make any sense
we are having a progress meeting
we are not holding a knitting circle
but, don't you think
that it would be better
given the number of people
we have in attendance
that we hold the meeting in a larger room
no,
this is a progress meeting
we have these every month
the agenda is known
the works are known
your claims are known
we have them in writing
our responses are known
you have them in writing
i see no need for repetition
pick your top act
for the meeting
go on, decide amongst yourselves
you can't all get in here
can you
mi welsh mate leaves the contractor there
and returns inside --
sometimes i don't know what to think
what were you doing over there -- is barked at the chain lad --
they asked me to mop their floors
-- replies the chain --
i told you
you should try steer clear of that crowd
they could have a bad influence on you
-- the chain nods --
well then
-- continues mi welsh mate --
put that kettle back on
you know how i like it
hold on
how did you manage
to get so much fucking muck on your boots
between their cabins and ours
i don't know how you do it sometimes
go on, you better go get that mop after all
go on, but i'm timing you this time
i want you back before that kettle boils
go on, run, and watch where you treading
-- the chain wonders back off
and mi welsh mate sez --
where was i
the subby's daughter
well yes -- replies mi welsh mate --
you'd be better off going down there
than wasting your time at this councils'
fucking knitting circles, all of them
take these fucking unions,
those fucking shirkers, you've seen them yourself
glassbacks, and even yor one
that might have had a point
her, the one you got chatting to
couldn't take them anywhere
other than where they had already decided to go
well in advance of that meeting
i doubt whether
they've ever seen a proper fucking union in action
it's like they're just playing at it now
and playing to loose
but at least she fucked you off
i'll give her that
but to compare you
to any sort of engineer
you've got to admit yourself
how little she really knows
-- i stare at mi welsh mate
not out of any malice
but just in pure amazement
at the logic ...
mi welsh mate looks up
and sez --
but in this game, drainage
you can't go far wrong
if your first pipe's correct for line and level
it builds itself then doesn't it
i nod and say --
when did you last talk to your son
mi welsh mate stares straight through me
and sez finally --
a couple of christmases ago
he called me up on the phone
said he'd got the number off his mother
that's nice, how are you, sez i
but it didn't last,
he was fucking drunk
or something, mad cunt
just like his mother
but it's not his fault
what is that chain lad fucking doing
mi welsh mate stands
and goes back out the front again
arnold, put that down
no, not the mop
that fucking fag, i told you i was timing you this time
watch that concrete
whose been making fucking cubes here
here, put that mop down for a second
i don't know where this fucking concrete's come from
so there's no point making cubes
and testing it
clear it away, yes
in that barrow, quickly
with all the bits and bobs
don't worry about spilling them
this tests aborted
clear up that mess with the shovel
no don't throw it there
shuffle it up in to that barrow
yes, on top of the cubes
it doesn't matter
the chain lad tidies up
the little bit of concrete
and smiles at mi welsh mate when complete
well -- barks mi welsh mate --
don't just stand there
there's work for you inside
the chain lad leans the shovel
against the barrow, smiles
and picks up the mop
don't leave that shit there
-- barks mi welsh mate --
here pass me the mop
you push that barrow out the way now
where -- asks the chain
look -- points mi welsh mate --
you can squeeze it in
between that jag and that merc
over on their side of the compound
unless you can think of a better place
no on second thoughts
just put it in front of their door
go on, push it over there, well done
you can leave it now,
just walk away
yes, yes, wave if you wish
but wipe your boots
before you come in this time
here's your mop, and be quick
david will be down here soon
mi welsh comes back in
and it's me
staring wide eyed in to the distance now
where are you
-- barks mi welsh mate --
i was just listening
shall i make you one too
-- enquires the chain --
am having one miself
please -- sez i --
mi welsh mate sits back down
shaking their head
and sez --
no i don't blame him
and i don't blame her really
we'd always been fiery together
well you can imagine
what it must have been like
back in the sixties, living with me
or at any other time for that matter
but i was very busy then
working for this outfit
far bigger than this lot here
running jobs all over
and we had an argument
me and his mother
about work --
you try it for a fucking change --
she said to me one night, their your kids too
i'm fucking off to my mothers for a bit
fucking leave if you wish, sez i
you'll be running back here
in a day or two
and i won't have missed one shift
and she did
she fucked off
i don't know if she went to her mothers or not
i didn't fucking care
next morning, early doors
i go round and see the girl who does the babysitting
i explain the situation to her and her mother
i'll be away working during the week, sez i
here's a hundred quid house keeping
that's what i usually give my misses
i doubt if you could spend twenty
looking after the house this week
what ever's left when i return
is yours in payment,
i don't think i'll be long needing this arrangement
and they went for it
the girl popped her coat on
there and then, before the kids were up
we went back, she was dressing them for school
as i left for work that monday
my misses was back when i returned the weekend after ...
where's that fucking tea -- barks mi welsh mate
it's coming
-- replies the chain --
just letting it mash
surely it's mashed by now
ok
hey -- shouts mi welsh mate
through to the kitchen
do you know
what my son said to me
the last time i spoke to him
no -- says the chain
bringing through the cuppas
pass it here
-- mi welsh mate tastes
the tea and sez --
are you sure
you've got these
the right way round
i can hardly taste the sugar
yes
well sit down then
you make the room look cluttered
he rang me, my son you know
late one night, high as a kite on something
and said --
listen cunt, i can get a gun
when ever i want in liverpool
maybe i should
and sort it out with you
once and for all
well i laughed
whose he trying to be, fucking cagney
well i'll be his fucking lacy
listen son, sez i
it was nice that you rang
or at least it started off that way
but i don't know
what you expected to find out
in one fucking phone call
but if it's a meeting you want
i don't need to go looking for guns
i have both guns and a fucking permit
that was the last i fucking heard of him
his mother was the same you know, barking
mad as a hit pin ...
in time
i say --
it's all wrong you know
isn't it though
but it's not his fucking fault
-- sez mi welsh mate nodding --
i wasn't there you see
she was right all along
what do my fucking kids know about me
they'll have heard some fucking big stories
that's for sure, some of them i started myself
but i never took the chance
to tell them the little ones
it's all wrong, you know
but it's work
fuck -- continues mi welsh mate --
i've been using a gun
to put food on the table
before the age he was when i upsticks
but you'ré right
it's all wrong
do you know what his mother said
when i got back that last weekend
no -- i shake mi head --
not one word
not one
not on that first night
but on the second she said --
why don't you just fucking leave
why should i
this is my house
and my kids
you fuck off if you want, said i ...
i don't know what i was trying to achieve
but i got it, the next morning
my own fucking twelve bore
nuzzled right under my fucking chin
here -- points and jerks mi welsh mate --
my ex-misses looking straight at me
finger on the fucking trigger
go ahead and do us both a fucking favour, sez i
but she didn't,
she just shuck her head
put the gun down and left the bedroom ...
she'd fucking loaded it though
it was ready to blow, well
i took the cartridges out
put them in my jacket pocket
packed up the gun
and my other belongings
and left it there and then ...
i hate guns
it's not the gun that is at fault
is it -- barks mi welsh mate --
when you get to that stage
it could be a gun, a blade, arsenic or
even fucking concrete for that matter
concrete
yes, concrete
you'd be surprised how many people
have met their demise in concrete
you'd be surprised how many are buried beneath manholes
when it gets to this stage
it doesn't fucking matter
beneath manholes
yes, it is an expression
don't get hung up about it
but you take my point
yes -- sez i slowly --
but you can do more than one thing with concrete
with a gun, you tend to end up doing
exactly what it was designed for in the first place
bang, bang, yor dead
yes but it's not really the point though
is it, it doesn't matter at that stage
no i guess not
there can be no guessing
not at that stage
i sip on mi tea for a bit
and then sez --
didn't you try again later
to get back in touch
no i didn't go back
are you mad
i shrug mi shoulders
well she is
she's totally fucking loony tunes
take my word for it
she was like that when we first met
that's why i fell for her
in the first fucking place
but no,
i didn't go back
i'm not fucking mad
she might have just gone through with it
if she had a second chance
she was obviously fucking crazy enough
and i was obviously fucking crazy enough to make her
silence
and then mi welsh mate barks --
have you done that mopping yet
david will be down here very soon you know
move yourself
i am staring into the distance
and mi mate pulls me back in
where are you
i was thinking about what a friend had said
-- said i, shaking mi head,
then i stopped shaking mi head slowly
looked mi welsh mate
in the eyes and started to tell one --
mi granddad could tell 'em you know
stories
when i was kid
i used to go stay at mi nannas
they worked as caretakers, gardeners
around ranmoor,
at notre dame school, and riverdale
can you remember
just up from the porter brook
when i was kid
i used to play there
he'd tell us stories
and have us giggling and in wonder
and we'd say --
why don't you write them down granddad
nayow -- would come the reply --
they're not that kind
mine are just too daft to laugh at ...
i shake mi head
slowly
still looking at mi welsh mate
and sez --
as a got older
i'd entreat --
go on
write 'em down
i don't know
what i was hoping for
but anyway a got it --
you're not kids anymore
i did write them down once
-- said he --
well, some of them anyway
when i was at war
oh, said i
oh, said he
it began like this you see
i could always tell em
jokes you know
i'm from a big family
youngest of umpteen see
but this one night
it had got so dark
the war, and so dismal
between us, i was black myself
and so was my humour
and i started to tell one
and then mi granddad began to tell one --
i don't know
what i was looking for
when i signed on
whether i was running away from something
or running towards something
but that was
of no importance
to the recruitment officer
do you know
i thought i'd fail the medical
i'd smashed my legs in trench work the year before
i thought
i'm only just now
walking in a straight line
do you know
when i stripped off
for the doctor
the doctor just tapped at my knees
and said --
your legs look a bit weak
what's this here
-- said the doctor
prodding at mi knees
with a pencil --
trench accident you say
don't worry
we have a programme designed
specifically for your case
a1, move right along
well,
we've all had that programme now
it's called basic training
but now, i don't know what to think
for those of us left behind
i guess
we're all still classed as a1
and we are
at least physically
but of the injured
many of them
well never be classed as a1 again
by anyone,
except by their nearest and us
and we can say the same
of the dead
but two things i do know
we all do now --
one,
we've had this drilled in to us --
stay put
it's basic training
and we've all had our part
in drilling that, and more
in to some of the casualties
no body needs to tell us that one anymore
and two,
and i don't know
if we were ever told this
or if we just figured this out
for ourselves
but number two is --
we have an equal duty
to get home
at the end of this foreplay
and make sure that what ever
letters and numbers are being
presently given
to those lost, departed
scattered, broken
these letters and number
matter little
they will change
when we get home and tell it
and we're on their time now
and they're a1 you see ...
-- i stop talking
and start shaking mi head again
at mi welsh mate
who's staring in to the distance --
well i didn't know what to think
but i stuck to mi agenda --
did you write that one down grandad, said i
no, said mi grandad
shaking his head in disgust --
why would i want to
i didn't even like saying it
have you ever heard me swear
yeah -- sez i, remembering --
but not much
but when you get mad
or you, and your own lad
go at it
with a bottle
well,
mi granddad shuck his head
and then, it was like
somat had just struck him
some memory ...
well -- enquires mi welsh mate --
nayowt
he shuk his head and said no
he continued and said --
no, the first story i wrote down
was the one about me, or one of my brothers
walking on the pennines
in the thirties, looking for work
the one where we're that famished
we contemplate eating horse manure
and bump into those ladies looking for some salt
to sprinkle upon it
well,
you've heard mi tell that one haven't you
quite a few times now
yes -- i nod
and you'd know how tell it if you wanted to
-- asked mi granddad --
course a could, if i wanted to
i know that story well -- sez i --
well, sez mi granddad
i've known a few that couldn't
i used to get asked to repeat them
the stories sometimes
sometimes over and over again
don't you know how tell stories
haven't you got any of your own
no, go on
tell us that story about the salt on horse shit again
this lad's a new recruit
he's not heard it
well blinking heck
-- mi granddad would shake in frustration --
maybe latter, but let's hear this lad's story first
well,
one of the new recruits mi granddad bumped into
was a gifted story teller altogether
like they were born to it
they didn't need any telling
there's a few like that you know ...
-- i stop talking for a bit
mi welsh mate's still staring
i start talking again --
sometimes i think
i somehow use to bug mi granddad
it felt like he found something bitter
in my expression, but later i thought --
no, i remind him of someone ...
what of it
-- enquires mi welsh mate --
nothing i guess
i just to stuck to mi agenda --
how many did you write down granddad
and where are they, asked i
loads, sez mi granddad
we wrote loads
we passed them round
some bright spark had forty two loose bound
at one point i remember --
that one, was nicknamed the diary
or the confessions --
here, would come a joyful shout
pass me the diary
i've another confession to file
but they'd always scatter
they were that kind of story
disposal propaganda for that disposal age
but we'd give them numbers
so we could remember them
as a type of short hand between us --
there was one we wrote once
loads of us chipped in
filled in the all characters
well this story
she was a beauty
we are knew it
number five we use to call her
she started off as twenty five
but we promoted her
well boy, did she travel ...
-- i stop talking for a bit
mi welsh mate's still staring
i start talking again --
do you know, mi granddad
got very confused
by modern day media
-- i can't understand this at all --
he'd say, he lived next door
to patrick mcgoohan for a bit
when they were on riverdale
back on the porter
can you remember him
the prisoner
penny farthing lapel pin
do you recall
yes -- nods mi welsh mate --
mad as an hat pin
i remember
mi granddad used to think the same
-- i nod --
he'd shake his head
-- i said, still nodding --
and say --
it's up to you lot now
to make head or tale of this
pass me over my cowboy book
i'll stick to traditional themes ...
but i don't think
i was reminding him of his son ...
mi welsh mate stares
i shake my head
and sez --
stories
do you know that one
you told me
that one i'd heard before
when i was a kid
you in the med
those ladies remember
my welsh snorts
and sez --
yes, i remember
what of it
well
you know as well as i do
sometimes
you get the chance
to put certain stories
straight
my welsh mate snorts some more
... or at least re gloss them
in the retelling
mi welsh stops snorting
i used to hear them you know
when i was a kid
sometimes
the biggest stories
what of it
well
just like you
i've known a few folk
who can stop a retelling
and start one a new
although
unlike you
when i've heard big stories stopped
before, it's usually been in karky
but always with the same one liner
no, i was that soldier ...
mi mate stares
and in time nods --
well, i suppose there's no shame in it then
or at least no changing it
what -- sez i
but we're cut short
by mi welsh mate's phone --
hallo david -- sez mi welsh mate
silence,
and then --
rightio david
see you in five -- and then i am addressed --
finish your tea
david's up at the detention tank
he wants to start there
let's go, let's go
not you arnold
you stay here
and keep out of mischief
i might need you
when we get back
come on let's go ...
in the back of the van
the dreams begin ...
a.
--
she thought you were a spassa
-- says a girl to her younger brother --
fuck off
who did -- barks the brother
head aturning
trying to target
the offender --
the lady behind the counter
she thought you were a spassa
that's why she tried to give us a reduction
on the ticket
fuck off
you lying bitch -- barks the brother --
woh woh
dunt be like that
come on, what's up thee -- said i
it's her -- barks the brother --
why did we have to bring him
-- enquires the sister --
i knew you'd do this
you always do this
-- she continued to her brother
and to me --
why did we have to bring him
-- her brother is not amused
their eyes are crossed --
it's a treat init
-- sez i --
for both o'ya
well for all of us really
it meks sense
your brother loves being round animals
dunt ye
and look there's loads here
we're in a zoo
hey, look at that stripy one over there
'as tha eva seen one like that b4
neyow -- sez the brother
what is it
there's some meat on that one
'as tha seen it's arse
the sister and i
both lol
what -- enquires the brother
confused but smiling --
thee -- we reply still lolling
just thee
-- we push the brother
towards the tapirs
in a wheel chair
we'd brought with us
he begins to amuse himself
pointing the big toe of his less fucked leg
at various animals bums
whilst making the sound of a gas gun ...
-- me and the sister smile at each other
leave him in too it
get a metre or two
away from the ricochet --
what was she on about
mi mother
when i was getting dressed
-- questions the sister --
it's not his birthday until november
dunno -- i answer --
a switched off listening after a bit
and a was just nodding
-- the sister smiles again --
i do that sometimes
she sempt to be in a hurry though
-- i continue
the sister stops smiling
and sez --
yeah, i bet she's got hersen
another fucking man
-- i begin to giggle --
it's not funny
-- stops the sister --
no -- sez i --
i'm sorry luv
anyway
tha's some need to talk
-- turns the brother
to the sister --
have heard what tha's been up to
-- the sister looks confused
she looks to me
i think for inspiration
i think then shake my head
from lack of help
the sister then ohs and giggles
and sez to her brother --
well, what eva tha's heard
tha's heard wrong
-- the brother now laughs
and sez --
nayow
it's thee that's wrong
-- she lifts her eyes skywards
and shakes her head at me
her brother continues
his toe pursuit
as we move around
the enclosures ...
there's a coot
look at it
look at it
'as tha seen it
-- entreats the brother --
what's it doing here
his sister and me
both shakes us head
push me closure then
-- he entreats,
we do as asked
and wheel him over
to a compound of merecats
an animal he's only ever seen b4 on the telly am sure
and i don't think he's even seen them now
because it's the coot that has him entranced ...
again we look at each other
leave him too it
and i say --
some of the stories
have heard off ye nanna
and you have heard them too
about ye mam
and how she was fucked with
go a long way to explain why she behalves
like she does
it doesn't excuse how she behalves mind
how we behave is our own decision
and anyway
it's good that yor brother's here
it shows she still cares
she only cares about him
she dunt care about the rest of us
she hant dun in a long time
she does
she cares about you
that's why he's here
he's our chaperon
-- the girl looks at me confused
repeats the word to herself
and lols
i lol too --
what's that mean
chaperon -- enquires her brother
it's like thee
-- replies i --
a little monkey
it's what we call them merecats ov'r there
sithee, look at 'em
-- i point past the coot --
chaperons
there all on guard
watch 'em
little eyes
nodding to each other
the brother and sister
look and lol at each other
and she puts her arms around him
from behind
they have moments together
and she says --
you've gotta watch yourself
look at ye
you could have died
fuck off
-- he shrugs her off --
dunt be like that
-- sez i --
she's concerned
we all are
concerned -- says the brother --
listen, i wunt have ought to do we her if i wa thee
-- advises the brother --
wi what she's been getting up to
have heard tha knows
well tha's heard wrong
-- corrects the sister --
fuck off you fucking slag
-- continues the brother --
no you fuck off spasser
-- retorts the sister --
nayow listen -- barks the brother --
i know who you've been fucking with
have talked to 'em
they're winding you up
can't you tell
you can't can ya
you fucking lying bitch
-- roars the brother
making a grab for his sister
get here
-- too late, she's out of as way --
spasser
just u w8
-- people are beginning to look our way
i look back
and say aloud --
let them stare -- and turning to the sister
i say --
you neva no
we might get offered another reduction
what
off the ticket
hey that coot's still there
what's it doing
it's weird in it
yeah ...
in time the sister says to me --
i don't know what he's heard
but he's heard wrong
-- she is pale --
it doesn't matter does it
-- i offer --
what doesn't
-- she appears to weaken --
you believe him
no i wasn't saying that
i meant ... -- i stumble --
what did you mean
i meant ... -- i stumble again --
it's true
have seen the fucking price list
-- barks the brother --
the sister lols --
you can't even fucking read
you fucking lying bastard
am no fucking bastard
-- growls her brother --
if dad wa here now
and knew what you'd up to
he'd be knocking seven shades out of you now
he wouldn't
-- cries the sister --
it would be you
who had it coming
dunt think a dunt know about you
-- she jumps at him
i catch her
i put her down
and say --
give me a minute
-- she is sobbing heavily
i push her brother away
he doesn't wanna go --
she's a fucking lying bitch
dunt listen to her
nayow -- says i --
but listen to me, it is her birthday after all
and we've come a long way to get here
and a dunt know how much longer
we'll last at this rate
but am going to try to calm you both down
and mek the best of it 4 her
look, there's load more 2 c here
tropical birds and evry thing
tha'll like that wait tha
just hold on a minute will tha
while a talk to thi sister
hey look that coot's still here
but them merecats have disappeared
-- i walk back the ten metres --
you don't believe me do you
-- sobs the sister --
i told you he'd spoil it
the lying bastard
am not fucking lying
-- barks the brother --
dunt listen 2 her
-- i raise my voice
across the ten metres
and ask the brother in name
for one minute please
i stand between them
and speak to the sister --
i meant it doesn't matter does it
you don't believe me do you
-- i shrug, smile and say --
it doesn't matter
-- she sobs
i kneel
and say --
it doesn't matter does it
because i absolutely believe in you
chin up princess
let's go and calm in down
but you dunt believe me
of course i do
you don't
they're was a game
if that's what he's on about
but we were just fucking about with stuff
out of magazines
well they're you go then
-- sez i --
it was in your fucking hand writing
you're lying -- is barked by the brother --
oh for fucks sake
-- barks i, if only to myself --
can't we just get over this
-- i call over to the brother by name
and state --
she's the only one of ye
who can fucking write
-- the girl lols
and i call over --
come on it's her birthday
come on let's go and see the birds
in the hot house
it's getting cold out here
and calm it ye
hey -- i nod to the sister --
you ought to have seen your kid
reading in the hospital
you weren't there that day
-- i nod over to her brother --
neva -- she says --
he nods and smiles --
it wa an animal book
moo -- says the brother smiling --
i got mi own teacher
she wo nice
well, hark at you
-- smiles the sister ...
... a little later, as i'm coming back
from a urinal
with a washed out bottle
the girl catches me
she is still quite pale --
you don't believe me do you
course a du
and as i said
it doesn't matter
does it ...
dont look down
-- i kneel again --
you told me
it was just a game
and i believe you
have heard of games like this b4 ...
b.
--
hey, hey,
what you up to
stop that
i've just had a shower
p'p'p -- is putted at me
i know
i was listening -- i squeeze gently
p'p'p
-- again
and this time
my hand is moved away --
i mean it
oh -- sez i --
don't touch
what you can't afford
did i buy you
is that how i got you
no silly -- laughs mi mate --
but you know what i mean
-- a little cough
and then a smile --
come on
let's cuddle
and watch some telly
telly -- queries i --
yes -- giggles mi mate --
you know there's a world out there too
yes, but what's that got to do
with the price of bread
what's up with you tonight
have you gone off me
how -- is giggled --
let's just sit and cuddle
here, hold my hand
ok luv
i'm a bit tired that's all
we're very busy at work during the day now
and you and my studies
keep me at it all night ...
well i suppose
... and feel here
-- my hand is placed
inside a dressing gown --
can you feel my tummy rumble
it's been like that all day
keep your hand there
it's warm
it helps
and keep it still
there, feel
can you feel it
yes
i felt that luv
what did you have for lunch
a sandwich
tuna mayo with sweetcorn and cress
but the cress was yucky
and i picked it out
of one half
but left the other
the crusts were hard
i left them too
oh, did you feel that one
yes,
is that all
no, i think there's still more
no, i meant for lunch
oh, i had a pack of quavers too
urp, pardon me
i don't know where that one came from
oh, did you feel that
that's better
i'll make yor snap up
if you don't have time luv
uno that
-- i am kissed
i move my hand back
to were i had it before
but this time i am quickly
if not athletically straddled
my hands entwined by my mate's
and pined aside --
i warned you mister
-- sez mi mate --
i am much younger than you
and much fitter
don't think i'm that tired
that i can't fight you off
if i want to, and i don't really want to
it's just ...
what -- sez i
shaking mi head --
can't you be quick
i mean
can you be quick
do you mean fast
no, not fast
quick
i know you can be fast
we could both be fast
let's both be fast
but let's both be quick
cos i'll be quick anyway
promise
oh, i thought you liked being quick
in fact, didn't i hear you say
you loved being quick
and the quick quickity bits too
i do,
but that's all we do
and anyway
it makes me feel, oh
i don't think you really fancy me
oh,
hold on a minute
i've been trying to get you to bed
since i came home
and heard you in the shower
oh
but you have a point though
-- my hands are squeezed
and i am told --
let's hear it
this one better be good
no, not like that
-- sez i --
cause i fancy you
do you think i'm mad
but i do think about other things too
well everything really
when we make love
it grounds me somehow
but frees me somehow too ...
here -- i continue --
rather than watch telly
let me go and get
my vector book
and i'll try and explain
where i was coming from last night
let me up
no
-- i am kissed again --
we are not doing any maths tonight
come with me you, quickly
-- i am lead to our bed --
lie down
-- again i am straddled
with my arms pushed back,
my mate takes the cord
from around their dressing gown
and ties my hands
to our bed head --
gotcha
-- whispers my mate
as they start to gyrate ...
... and then my mate stops
and cuddles
oh -- says i,
opening my eyes --
told you i've gotya
-- mi mate giggles --
now you're in trouble
-- i remark on the face
b4 me, or rather a certain
raised eye expression
and say out loud --
inspector ploddy
yes -- my mate replies --
and i've a few questions for you mr twister
oh -- says i lolling --
i am in trouble
yes ...
yes you are ...
-- my mate
cuts my laughter short
with just one hip --
do you love me ...
yes of course ...
as much as i love you ...
i try ...
and sometimes it appears that i succeed ...
you do
sometimes ... -- admits mi mate
with another hip --
good, because i've got that job i was after
and i'm not leaving the city this september
oh ...
-- i smile --
that's good ...
i still think you should move out though ...
really
-- sez mi beautiful mate moving on --
yes -- i reply,
moving myself --
it doesn't mean we can't see each other
it'd be nice anyway
to go back courting for bit wunt it, me and you
we cud go to the cinema or somat ...
we could go to the cinema now
what's wrong with you
oh -- i laugh -- u know
i meant i think you should give yourself the chance
to meet someone special
and you won't do that
whilst you're living with me
but i love you
and you love me
a know
ur gorgeous
i'd b daft not 2
look at ya
they'll b lining up 4u
and no doubt
u'll find some one better than me
no bother
but i want u
don't u want me
of course i want ye
am gonna really miss ye
but we've got a good few months yet
ur mad -- my mate stops abruptly
and turns their back on me
their face is hidden --
i try and release mi hands to no avail
let mi out luv will ye
-- sez i --
no
-- i try again
the bed head creaks
but to no avail --
let mi out luv -- sez i --
no -- mi mate giggles
and turns
we look at each other --
why do you push me on to other men
when -- i reply --
now, and
when we were first together
you did exactly the same then ...
when -- i reply --
when u made me leave here
after i got in to college
oh ...
same reason ...
listen, my life's cluttered
ur a lot younger than me
and more athletic ...
i just think, u have a chance
at someone clean
clean
-- exclaims mi mate
changing face and position --
boy have u got a lot 2 learn
ploddy -- giggles i --
oy, you shouldn't b enjoying this
mr twister -- whisper mi mate against me --
i've got a bone to pick with you
go on then
-- sez i --
ask ur question
don't get cocky you
not in ur position
if u no what's good 4u
i will ask another question
when i'm good and ready ...
-- ... minutes pass fast --
open ur eyes, that's cheating
-- i am instructed --
is it -- says i --
since when
-- mi mate stops
i open mi eyes ... --
that's better ...
-- sez mi mate
starting at me slowly
i whisper --
ur gorgeous ...
stop with the sweet talk
-- replies mi mate --
it doesn't matter what u think i am
does it mr twister, come september
am out of here, gorgeous or not ...
a dunno ...
i doubt whether this cord could keep me here that long ...
but u find somat stronger if u want ...
though a wud need feeding mind...
yes
u'd like that wouldn't u
-- sez mi mate --
but we've both got work to do
keep ur eyes open
look at me and shus ...
-- ... our eyes connect
and in time
i get my first present --
greedy
-- whisper mi mate
slowly against me --
u pushed me away b4 u
greedy ...
clean ...
what am i going to do with u
ploddy -- i whisper --
yes -- sez mi mate --
a question ...
it didn't matter to u, did it
that i was virgin
when we first met
in fact u didn't believe me, did u ...
did u ...
a didn't know what to believe, did i ...
but i'm sure now, what u told me was true
ur actions matched those of a congruent virgin ...
but no, it didn't matter
why should it, i certainly was no virgin
did it matter to u ...
of course it matters dummy ...
all brains and no sense u r ...
i love u -- sez i --
i told u
shush with the sweet talk
it doesn't matter what u think of me apparently
i think the world of u
-- sez i --
then why do u want me to leave
the arguments are well rehearsed
-- said i --
ur not a virgin any longer
ow -- voiced i --
yes, it can hurt also
can't it ...
-- sez ploddy --
you've asked 4 it now
-- the investigation continued
without leaving me time to admit
to any pain ...
... i get one hand lose
and move it gentle upon a shoulder
my mate jumps
and stares at me ...
what's up
-- i ask --
i thought your hands were tight
they were
but there's a gap here look
-- i push 4 figures
and a thumb
back in to the loop --
well that's no good, is it
-- sez mi mate --
i guess not
do it again
-- i reply --
but wrap that end
through the middle, ye
like that, pull it
it's very soft, but strong enough
go on, you won't hurt me
wanna bet
-- sez mi mate giggling
squashing my face
between their open night gown --
no, well u know what i mean
-- i reply --
hey -- says plodder
inspecting the knot --
that works
you've done this b4 ...
it's a knot init
am a closet girl guide
you know the motto
be alert
britain needs lerts
shut up u
and close ur eyes
really
-- sez i --
yes,
close those peepers ...
-- i do as i am instructed
very slowly
like really slowly
i realise
my mate is doing something
that
well, what can i say
other than i had thought what was now happening
between us, had been inhibited
by mi mates grasp of metaphysics
boy was i confused ...
and then i remembered again what a friend had said
and that friend was mi mate
and they stopped what they were doing
and said --
i knew you would open ur eyes
-- i look at mi mate
and say --
come here u
ur too far away ...
-- mi mate did
as i had asked
with a hip hip hop
and a flip flap flop
and repeated accusations about me looking
until i got present number two ... --
...you are so greedy
-- whispers mi mate
against me
puffing their hair
away from their peepers --
but ur not that dirty really
u scrub up alright
here, am going to let you out ...
don't look so disappointed, here ...
can you sort it from there ...
are u free, here ...
put ur hands here ...
i kiss my friend for a while
we stop, kissing anyway
and my friend says to me --
what clutter
you know
-- i reply --
you've seen it
i don't mind
i like u and ur clutter
i love ur kids
i love u
a know
we know
i love u
they appear to be fond of u 2
why wun't any 1 b
how do you want it
what -- asks mi mate --
it -- i reply --
you decide
have a rest if u want
missionary ...
-- i suggest --
... uve been busy
go on then
-- replies mi mate --
but this time, no messing
keep ur eyes open ...
-- ... but we don't
either of us
we so close kissing
we half melt into each other
but mi mate is melting quicker
then pulls away ...
we open us eyes
stare 4 a bit
and kiss again
and stare and kiss again ... --
this is no good
-- says mi mate --
back on ur back mr twister
hands 2 urself
or hold mine, there
eyes wide open
now look right in to mine ...
-- ... i look, i love my mate --
now listen, no more faffing
greedy, i want my present
i want my present
i want my present ...
-- is spelt out by
mi mates hip hip hops
i am kissed
we kiss, my mate brakes
and moves to the chant ... --
i, want, my, present,
i, want, my, present,
i, want, my, present,
i, want, my, present,
i, want, my, present,
i, want, my, present,
-- and then i see more white
than any other colour
in mi mates eyes
and realise that i am getting
yet another present
from my polite and generous friend
i quickly comply to their wishes
from love and not wishing to give offence ...
c.
--
[r]
why do people have affairs
[a]
what type of affairs
like foreign affairs
[r]
no
like extra, you know
extramarital affairs
[a]
dunno
why do folk get married in the first place
[r]
don't give me that
[a]
oh, ok, i don't have to
if you don't want me to
but i mean
why do folk
pair off big time
in the first place
is it irresistible attraction
or is it just happenstance
[r]
both i suppose
amongst other things
but once two people become a pair
why would one of them start an affair
[a]
beats me
maybe they're afflicted with another bout
of irresistible attraction and happenstance
amongst other things, like --
one of mi mates was getting an ear bashing
late one night off his better half
for being drunk as skunk and barely compos mentis
listen -- slurred mi mate --
i was like this when we first met
it's not me that's changed
it's you ...
[r]
oh,
is that how it is with you
[a]
er no, not really
i wouldn't blame desire and fate
for my actions, but
i certainly am, suspicious of them
amongst other things ...
... back in the cabins
i quit dreaming ...
it's right what david says you know
-- starts mi welsh mate --
i nod
it's a water war
-- continues mi welsh mate --
i stop nodding and sey --
i can't remembering him saying that
that's because you were dreaming
-- states mi welsh mate --
other folk think you're paying attention
but i know better ...
did you see the chain
on the way in -- queries mi welsh mate --
no -- sez i
shaking mi head --
no, neither did i
-- sez mi welsh mate --
no worry
you can go and get them then
david will be changed in five
oh, ok -- sez i, standing --
listen -- cautions mi welsh mate --
ask your landlord
if you don't believe me
he's been around enough empire builders
what is a people without water
what is a land without her water
i don't know
-- i reply --
she is nothing,
and remember
-- i am further cautioned --
in this meeting
just because something may be fucking obvious
to me or you
doesn't mean it's obvious to fucking everyone
and listen
whatever you do in your spare time
this city pays you to act like an engineer
so jump to it ...
-- i stand up
and make to leave the room
at the door way, i remember
turn and say --
what did you mean, earlier
when you said --
there's no shame in it
or at least no changing it
-- mi welsh mate snorts --
you, being sentimental
about this city
not if you're fucking army
they're no changing it
any way is there
not if you're fucking army
oh -- sez i -- am not fucking army
mi dad wa', and his six elder brothers
he got in at the end
decommissioning, but mi grandad
was r a f
well there you go then
-- replies mi welsh mate --
the air force has been fucking the army
for as long as i can remember
and visa versa, there's no changing it
sentimental
both services ...
-- outside,
i meet the chain
talking to a mate ... --
here, you look
-- says the chain to me
flash carding a picture
on their moby
i recognise the smiling face
of the chain's younger brother
but with a newly bruised eye --
fuck -- sez i --
who did it
i don't know his name
-- replies the chain --
we were out last friday
there were loads of us
it was heaving
down at the top club
we went outside
me and my brother
for a quiet smoke
and then we heard it
this lass crying,
she wa' crying, no, no
so me and brother
looks round this corner
and there's this bloke
raping this lass against this tree
fuck -- sez i
again --
yes -- nods the chain --
you know what mi brothers like
he barks --
woh, woh, woh
there's no need for all that is there
to the bloke
and this bloke turns round and sez --
fuck off
or it'll be you
that's being fucked against this tree
not her
fuck -- sez i
again --
yes -- nods the chain --
well you know how mi brother laughs
he just roared at this bloke
turns to me, points at him
and sez --
did tha hear what she just said
-- i lol and ask --
what happened
the bloke stopped what he was doing
turned on mi brother
walked up
banged shoulders
on the way past
mi brother just laughed again
we thought that wa' it
but five minutes later
the bloke's back
with his mate, a cousin, and his uncle
four of them altogether
coming running in at us
fuck -- sez i
again --
yes -- nods the chain --
mi brother had to be quick
three hits, three floors
but the forth jumped him
got on top
smacked his eye
before i toed him
in the temple
i worry about him you know
mi brother sometimes
ye, i know -- sez i --
sometimes
i worry about you ...
-- the chain and me
shek us heads
at each other,
and i say --
see ye in a bit ye
a best go get this crowd ...
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