[ssf] dda :: missing level

[h t]

   saoirse awakens slowly
   she senses light again
   but not much, she feels like
   she has to swim to remain conscious
   or at least, tread water
   for she thinks herself
   a lazy swimmer, stretching
   she moves her feet
   from out the duvet
   curling her toes
   in the relative cold

    "squiggly lines"
    -- she thinks --
    "lazy bearded long haired hippy
      but clean
     for ever bathing
      yet with knees as rough
     as camels"

   she is drifting, and dreams
   that she's surrounded by a bubble
   which in turn, is submerged
   glumped down by the fathoms
   of a land locked viscous sea

    forms float by

    the spherical wall, translucent
    wobbles when bumped in to
    and shivers, as smaller objects
    glance of its outer surface

    it contains a number of lights

     "or are they on the outside"

    she counts them

     "one directly above
      three evenly spaced
      on, or just below
      the typical topic of cancer
      a matching three
      diametrically opposed in capricorn
      and the last one, right on the bottom
      eight, wait, woh"

    she experiences gravity and vertigo
    she tumbles, falls like a pebble
    at first, and then like a flutterby drawn
    to the glow beneath, yet the sphere drops also
    keeps pace with her, and she gets no closer
    to its surface

     "it's an illusion"

    she closes her eyes

    her shivering and dizziness stop


    there is light again
    this time, a red haze inside her lids
    warmth, a breeze, a breath
    relaxing, she arches
    pushing her arms high
    leans back, and peeps through
    her lashes,

     "the sun, the moon
      venus and mars, my
      what a full sky"

    she sticks her tongue out
    there is a jolt
    and the heavens shake
    it happens again, they're open
    her chair rocks with her
    or rather rasps, as if
    it is being sawn, felled down
    at it roots, by some invisible
    carpenter, prying her seat free
    so that she becomes the prey
    of both he and the walrus
    back, forth, tooth and tusk
    left, right, sinister, dexterous


            "jodie foster"

      "what about her"

            "other than you
             i think i'd like to
             sleep with her"

      "what"

            "er, oh well
             may be not"

      "no, you've said it now"

            "no, i didn't mean that
             i still rate her
             i just meant, er ...
             i just meant, well
             i'm still thinking about it
             really"

      "thinking about what"

            "can't you remember
             you ask me once
             other than you
             who would i like to
             sleep with"

      "noo"

            "can't you
             when i ask you
             you said that bloke off of
             oh, what's that action movie you like
             always on the goggle box at christmas
             you know, what's his face
             short hair, him i always say
             i'll look like when i grow up"

      "oh, now i remember, monster
       but i didn't want to sleep with him
       i just said i kinda fancied him
       i thought he was hot, and in any case
       when i ask you, who you fancied other than me
       you refused point blank to answer, and just said
        throw the dice"

            "well, it was your turn"

      "i know, but you could have
       answered me"

            "i did"

      "no you did not"

            "no i mean, i just have
             jodie foster, and as i said

             i'm still thinking about it"

      "you're infuriating"

            "i think some times, i can be
             but do you know this
             fancy versus sleeping with thing
             they're not mutually opposed you know
             and they both have been known
             to drift quite logically
             to all the joys
             of semi lubricated friction
             to put it politely"

      "oy"

            "sorry love, but i think i'm right
             on this one"

      "no, i don't mean that
       i mean, do you really fancy
       jodie foster, her off of bugsy malone"

            "i've never seen it
             but i think that's
             the lass i was thinking of
             her in freaky friday
             where she's bit like peppermint patty
             and that new one, where she's listening
             for a sign, through multiple satellite lenses
             contact, we watched it, i think she's hot in that"

      "do you think so, really
       i fell asleep, i thought she
       well, i thought she
       just looked like herself
       i liked the bloke though"

            "well you would, wouldn't you
             and she did, didn't she
             look like herself
             but she was being a scientist
             and i think, it was that bit
             that got me started,
             and her obsessive nature, you know
             like some folk have been known
             to fall for nurses, occasionally
             and other dress up clothes"

      "watch it buster"

            "i did, while you were sleeping
             bits anyway, i was watching your bum also
             as i remember
             well, when i say watching
             it was more like
             er, patting"

      "that's nice
       looking at her
       and playing with my bum
       how do you think
       that makes me feel"

            "subconsciously fancied
             and, it wasn't like that
             i only put the film on
             because i thought you might like it
             i was reading mainly, with my free hand"

      "thanks for the reminder
       i don't know you're smiling
       your words are enough
       to keep you cuffed"


   saoirse jumps with the sound
   of a sharp noise, there is light again
   and, something's been dropped
   in the room that she's in, it bounces
   bluntly, falls then spins

           "whoops, what was that
            it's dark in here
            even with a light on
            clumsy old me
            aren't you awake yet
            sleepy head"

   she sits up quickly on the bed
   keeping herself covered

       "what are you doing here"
       -- she asks --

           "coffee, i'm making coffee
            do you want some"

   saoirse doesn't speak
   but stares first at the figure
   and then around, at her possessions

           "i'm gagging for one
            i'll make enough for two
            if you should want some"

   the figure disappears
   in to an adjoining utility room
   switching on yet another light
   that cast shadows back
   in her direction

       "yes"
       -- she calls --
       "i would like
        a coffee"

           "how do you take it"

       "don't you know
        i thought you were a detective"

   the figure laughs, stops
   and calls --

           "no, i haven't seen you in a while
            but i'll take a guess
            there can only be
            so many possibilities
            i'd say you usually have it
            with either one, or more
            cigarettes"

       "leave it black"
       -- replies saoirse
          empty of humour --
       "i'll be through in a minute
        i need to squirt bad"

   she stands, picks up her bag
   and goes to the jacks, perching above
   its cold plastic seat, she urinates


   returning, she dons a dressing gown
   fetches her drink, seasons it
   and sits back on the edge
   of the bed, putting the mug on the floor
   between her feet, it warms her soles
   before the interrogation begins:

           "how are you feeling"

       "why do you ask"

           "i'm concerned"

       "save it"

           "it's my job
            to be concerned"

       "how am i feeling,
        well i'll tell you if you wish
        and as politely as i presently
        feel able:
          stick your fucking job"

    the other shakes their head
    and replies --

           "what's wrong saoirse
            where are you"

       "here, i am here
        but i have a very different perspective
        than you, and i view this
        to be a particularly pointless meeting"

           "pointless"

       "yes, pointless
        we have no common ground ..."


           "here, look at this"
           -- in time, starts the other
              holding a match box
              captain webb shaped
              between thumb and forefinger
              then bending, stands it up straight
              on a table at the bed side
              as if to attention, then states --
           "this is a box, watch
            if i push it slowly
            at its centre, with the point
            of my finger, it moves yes
            and i'm moving it, yes
            but, if i flick it at its top
            like this, it topples flat
            to make its centre's lower"

       "so what"

           "so, do you think
            you could do that"

       "yes of course"

           "so do you agree with me
            that not only can it be done
            but also, that we can both do it"

       "yes"

           "well then,
            we share that common perspective"

       "no, it is not like that
        you talk of possibilities
        regard"

   saoirse produces a die
   and throws it at the floor between them
   it bounces, tumbles, and comes to rest
   in static equilibrium

       "how many did i score"
       -- she asks --

           "four"
           -- comes the reply --

       "no, i scored a seven"

           "i don't get you
            are you counting
            both the top and the bottom"

   saoirse stares at the die
   and states --

       "no, but wouldn't that
        just be dandy .."

   and then turning her stare
   towards the face of the other

       "but no, i can't see the bottom
        from here, can you"

           "no"

       "no, but you know what
        the bottom must look like
        don't you, just like i know
        you can see three sides
        and their numbers when added make fifteen
        but i see a different three faces from you
        and my score is seven"

           "oh, i get you
            what game is this"

       "it is not a game
        it is my perspective"

           "and, from your perspective
            you scored a seven
            and i scored fifteen"

       "no, i did not say that
        you didn't score anything at all
        you didn't throw the dice"

    saoirse leans forward
    and reaches for the die again
    then stops --

       "no, you pick it up .."

    the other obeys

       ".. feel at it, look
        it's got eight corners, count them
        eight places where three faces meet
        eight points of view, so to speak

        you have a go now
        try and shake an eight"

    the other,
    rotates it, looks at it
    spins it many times
    and in time replies --

           "it's not possible"

       "yes, i know
        somethings aren't
        that is my perspective also"