[LAF] Gordon Brown fooled again - Jokeþ

[Adrian Williams]

This deserves a larger circulation
.................................

While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown
falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the
accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is
too understaffed to treat him in time. 

So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint
Peter at the Pearly Gates. 

'Welcome to Heaven,' says Saint Peter , 'Before you
settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see
a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what
to do with you.' 

'No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm
a believer,' says the PM. 

'I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from
God Himself. He says that since the implementation of
his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one
day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must 
choose where you'll live for eternity.' 

'But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in
Heaven,' replies Brown. 

'I'm sorry .. But we have our rules,' Peter
interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to
an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all the
way to Hell. 

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a
lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless
sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the
distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front
of 
it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist
luminaries who had helped him out over the years ---
John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc. The
whole of the Labour Party leaders were there ..
Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively
dressed. 

They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce
about the good times they had getting rich at the
expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a
friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and
caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a
frosty drink, 'Have a tequila and relax, Gord!' 

'Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge,' says
Brown, dejectedly. 

'This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want
and not worry and it just gets better from there!' 

Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the
Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke
who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious
nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party
pulled with the European Constitution and the
Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime promises. 

They are having such a great time that, before he
realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big
hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator and heads
upward. 

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again
and Saint Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to
visit Heaven,' the old man says, opening the gate. 

So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch
of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's
company, talk about things other than money and treat
each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse
joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and,
while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or
lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see
anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like
someone special! 

'Whoa,' he says uncomfortably to himself. 'Harold
Wilson never prepared me for this!' 

The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, 'Well,
you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now
choose where you want to live for Eternity.' 

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the
background, Brown reflects for a minute .... Then
answers: 'Well, I would never have thought I'd say
this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --
but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends.' 

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down, all the way to Hell. 

The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle
of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and
toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the
eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback,
but worse and more desolate. 

He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in
rags and chained together, picking up the roadside
rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They
are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands
black with grime. 

The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around
his shoulder.' I don't understand,' stammers a shocked
Brown, 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar
and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great
time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and
everybody looks miserable!' 

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs,
'Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!'


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